WEBVTT
0
00:00:48.380 --> 00:00:53.009
[Male Singer]
% I have climbed the highest mountain %
2
00:00:53.092 --> 00:00:57.346
% I have run through the fields %
3
00:00:57.429 --> 00:01:01.766
% Only to be with you %
4
00:01:01.850 --> 00:01:06.562
% Only to be with you %
5
00:01:06.645 --> 00:01:11.941
% I have run, I have crawled %
6
00:01:12.025 --> 00:01:16.570
% I have scaled these city walls %
7
00:01:16.654 --> 00:01:21.074
% These city walls %
8
00:01:21.158 --> 00:01:25.745
% Only to be with you %
9
00:01:25.828 --> 00:01:31.041
% But I still haven't found %
10
00:01:31.083 --> 00:01:34.544
% What I'm looking for %
11
00:01:35.878 --> 00:01:40.048
% But I still haven't found %
12
00:01:40.090 --> 00:01:43.134
% What I'm looking for %
13
00:01:45.844 --> 00:01:47.804
[Man] Fisher, pick up.
14
00:01:47.888 --> 00:01:50.890
Fisher, it's me!
Fisher, pick up!
15
00:01:50.974 --> 00:01:54.185
I'm late, come on, come on.
I need to bounce some ideas off you.
16
00:01:54.268 --> 00:01:56.228
Mine are all boring,
done it, been there.
17
00:01:56.312 --> 00:01:57.354
Hey, Ike!
18
00:01:57.438 --> 00:02:00.607
When are you guys gonna stop
waking me up every morning?
19
00:02:00.690 --> 00:02:03.067
When your column stops
putting me to sleep.
20
00:02:03.151 --> 00:02:05.778
- Funny, funny.
- Yo, Jonah!
21
00:02:05.861 --> 00:02:07.905
Fisher, come on!
Are you really not there?
22
00:02:07.988 --> 00:02:10.115
All right, cool.
I'll talk to you later.
23
00:02:10.198 --> 00:02:13.159
Excuse me. I'm thinking of doing
an article about limousines.
24
00:02:13.242 --> 00:02:16.287
What do you think about people
who've never been in one?
25
00:02:16.328 --> 00:02:18.163
I don't know people like that.
26
00:02:18.247 --> 00:02:22.125
I need someone to bounce some ideas
off of and get the juices flowing.
27
00:02:22.167 --> 00:02:25.253
I got one hour,
27 minutes, 52 seconds.
28
00:02:25.336 --> 00:02:27.296
Hey, Ike! When are you gonna
put me in a column?
29
00:02:27.379 --> 00:02:30.257
- When your T-shirts stop shrinking.
- [Woman] Shrinks?
30
00:02:30.340 --> 00:02:33.218
-Funny. He's kidding. He's just kidding.
-Oh, forget it.
31
00:02:33.301 --> 00:02:36.512
- Here, give me $5. Give me $2.
- [Woman] No way.
32
00:02:36.595 --> 00:02:39.515
Folks, I got nice shirts here.
Look!
33
00:02:39.598 --> 00:02:41.808
"I love everybody. You're next."
34
00:02:41.892 --> 00:02:45.061
%[Female Singing]
35
00:02:56.529 --> 00:02:59.740
So what's in store for us
in tomorrow's column?
36
00:02:59.823 --> 00:03:02.534
[Groans]
I don't know yet.
37
00:03:03.576 --> 00:03:07.538
I'm, uh, kind of
a last-minute man.
38
00:03:07.580 --> 00:03:10.833
You know, till an hour or two
before deadline, I don't get any ideas.
39
00:03:12.501 --> 00:03:15.086
So you get your ideas
for your column from life.
40
00:03:15.169 --> 00:03:17.088
Start up a conversation with a woman
in a bar.
41
00:03:17.171 --> 00:03:19.840
Attack her dart playing
and try to get a rise out of her...
42
00:03:19.923 --> 00:03:23.510
while you contemplate whether
or not she's worth hitting on.
43
00:03:23.593 --> 00:03:26.304
No, I can't hit on you
till I get an idea.
44
00:03:26.387 --> 00:03:28.139
Wh-- That's flattering.
45
00:03:28.222 --> 00:03:30.557
[Ike]
No, you don't understand.
46
00:03:30.599 --> 00:03:34.102
I understand. See,
my not responding to you baiting me...
47
00:03:34.185 --> 00:03:37.897
will inspire one of those bitter
diatribes you like to write about women.
48
00:03:37.980 --> 00:03:40.274
[Ike]I don't write bitter diatribes
about women.
49
00:03:40.357 --> 00:03:43.151
- Oh-ho.
- Very often. I could.
50
00:03:43.235 --> 00:03:46.070
Only when the ideas
aren't flowing, huh?
51
00:03:46.112 --> 00:03:48.197
It's so nice to meet you,
one-minute man.
52
00:03:48.281 --> 00:03:51.241
It's last-minute man.
53
00:03:51.325 --> 00:03:53.493
Whatever.
54
00:03:53.577 --> 00:03:56.788
Want to hear something funny? For a
good-looking guy, you strike out a lot.
55
00:03:56.871 --> 00:03:59.915
- [Bartender] Have you noticed that?
- [Phone Ringing]
56
00:03:59.999 --> 00:04:02.334
- I bet it's your ex-wife.
- [Man] Excuse me.
57
00:04:02.417 --> 00:04:04.294
I've seen much worse.
58
00:04:04.377 --> 00:04:07.088
[Bartender]
No, Ike's not here.
59
00:04:07.171 --> 00:04:10.216
I say, I've seen much worse.
60
00:04:10.299 --> 00:04:12.801
- I'll tell him when he comes in.
- Excuse me?
61
00:04:12.885 --> 00:04:15.762
The brush-off.
62
00:04:15.804 --> 00:04:18.556
I've witnessed far more...
63
00:04:18.598 --> 00:04:21.684
treacherous and nefarious exits
than that.
64
00:04:22.810 --> 00:04:25.270
At least she castigated you
in private.
65
00:04:25.353 --> 00:04:28.856
Not as private as I thought.
Kevin, you got some napkins there?
66
00:04:28.940 --> 00:04:32.776
- Wiping or writing?
- I'll let you know.
67
00:04:32.818 --> 00:04:35.779
They love you.
They hate you.
68
00:04:35.821 --> 00:04:38.364
They're hot.
They're cold. They're high.
69
00:04:38.448 --> 00:04:40.408
They're up. They're down.
70
00:04:40.449 --> 00:04:44.077
This is fun making a list with you,
but I do have a column to write.
71
00:04:44.161 --> 00:04:45.954
Ike.
72
00:04:46.037 --> 00:04:50.041
But you have yet to find
a really superb idea.
73
00:04:50.124 --> 00:04:53.502
There's a girl from my hometown
that you could write about.
74
00:04:53.585 --> 00:04:55.504
Excuse me,
but we don't need any ideas.
75
00:04:55.587 --> 00:04:59.132
She likes to dump grooms at the altar.
They call her the "Runaway Bride."
76
00:04:59.215 --> 00:05:02.218
She's performed the travesty
seven or eight times.
77
00:05:02.301 --> 00:05:05.929
Turns around, runs like hell.
Bolts. Adios.
78
00:05:05.971 --> 00:05:08.640
Plows down the aisle,
knocking old ladies out of her way...
79
00:05:08.723 --> 00:05:11.517
Like the Running of the Bulls
in Pamplona.
80
00:05:11.601 --> 00:05:14.061
And guess what!
She's got the next victim all lined up.
81
00:05:14.144 --> 00:05:17.272
She's turning another body
on the spit.
82
00:05:17.355 --> 00:05:20.483
[Ike]
Okay, Italics, here we go.
83
00:05:22.902 --> 00:05:27.155
[Ike's Voice] Today is
a day of profound introspection.
84
00:05:27.239 --> 00:05:30.074
I have been accused
of using this column...
85
00:05:30.158 --> 00:05:34.286
to direct bitter diatribes
at the opposite sex.
86
00:05:34.370 --> 00:05:37.456
This uncomfortable accusation...
87
00:05:37.497 --> 00:05:41.709
has plunged me into at least 15 minutes
of serious reflection,
88
00:05:41.793 --> 00:05:43.878
from which I have emerged...
89
00:05:43.961 --> 00:05:49.257
with the conclusion that, yes,
I traffic in female stereotypes.
90
00:05:51.301 --> 00:05:54.803
"But how can one blame me when
every time I step out my front door,
91
00:05:54.845 --> 00:05:59.015
I meet fresh proof that the female
archetypes are alive and well."
92
00:05:59.099 --> 00:06:02.602
"The mother, the virgin,
the whore, the crone."
93
00:06:02.685 --> 00:06:05.563
"They're elbowing you in the subway,
stealing your cabs,
94
00:06:05.646 --> 00:06:08.315
and overwhelming you
with perfume in elevators."
95
00:06:08.398 --> 00:06:10.358
"But perhaps in fairness
to the fairer sex,
96
00:06:10.442 --> 00:06:14.612
I do need to broaden my horizon and add
some new goddesses to the pantheon."
97
00:06:14.695 --> 00:06:18.657
"I would like to nominate
for deity the cheerleader, the coed...
98
00:06:18.740 --> 00:06:21.743
and the man-eater, the last
of which concerns me most today."
99
00:06:21.826 --> 00:06:25.204
"In ancient Greece, this fearsome female
was known as Erinys,
100
00:06:25.246 --> 00:06:27.247
the devouring death goddess."
101
00:06:27.331 --> 00:06:28.999
"In India, she is Kali,
102
00:06:29.041 --> 00:06:31.543
who likes to devour
her boyfriend Shiva's entrails..."
103
00:06:31.626 --> 00:06:34.337
"while her yoni devours
his dot, dot, dot... never mind."
104
00:06:34.420 --> 00:06:39.466
"In Indonesia, the bloody-jawed man-eater
is called Ragma."
105
00:06:39.549 --> 00:06:42.927
You notice these are
all countries without cable.
106
00:06:43.011 --> 00:06:45.388
"And in Hale, Maryland,
107
00:06:45.429 --> 00:06:47.598
where she helps run
the family hardware store,
108
00:06:47.681 --> 00:06:52.352
she is known as Miss Maggie Carpenter,
a.k.a. the Runaway Bride."
109
00:06:52.435 --> 00:06:55.271
"What is unusual about
Miss Carpenter...
110
00:06:55.354 --> 00:06:59.816
is that she likes to dress her men up
as grooms before she devours them."
111
00:06:59.900 --> 00:07:04.737
One antique hot-water handle
with the "hot" still on it.
112
00:07:04.821 --> 00:07:07.573
Guaranteed to fit
any American Standard cast-iron tub...
113
00:07:07.656 --> 00:07:12.243
with a four-inch center mount
made between 1924 and 1938.
114
00:07:12.327 --> 00:07:14.370
In other words,
Mr. Paxton,
115
00:07:14.454 --> 00:07:16.497
I think you are out of the doghouse
with Mrs. Paxton.
116
00:07:16.580 --> 00:07:17.540
Hallelujah!
117
00:07:17.623 --> 00:07:19.333
I'll see you later.
I'll put it on your charge.
118
00:07:19.416 --> 00:07:23.753
There's a possibility
she hasn't seen this yet.
119
00:07:23.837 --> 00:07:27.757
Maybe she just hasn't picked up a paper.
Know what I mean?
120
00:07:27.798 --> 00:07:30.634
- Or not.
- [Man]Maggie?
121
00:07:30.717 --> 00:07:33.386
Earl, you don't need an air-conditioner.
You need an attic fan.
122
00:07:33.470 --> 00:07:36.514
There's more in the back. Hey.
123
00:07:39.683 --> 00:07:41.601
What?
124
00:07:41.685 --> 00:07:44.771
So, Mag,
you've seen this, huh?
125
00:07:44.854 --> 00:07:46.772
Yes, I've seen it.
126
00:07:47.690 --> 00:07:49.608
And it is the rudest,
127
00:07:49.692 --> 00:07:52.194
most offensive...
128
00:07:52.277 --> 00:07:55.572
joke anyone
has ever played on me!
129
00:07:55.613 --> 00:07:58.532
You guys, how long did this take you?
Where did you get it done?
130
00:07:58.616 --> 00:08:00.826
You're both creeps, by the way.
I should "disinvite" you.
131
00:08:00.909 --> 00:08:06.164
Maggie, you told us
no bachelorette jokes, so we didn't--
132
00:08:11.793 --> 00:08:15.255
Holy moly.
133
00:08:16.964 --> 00:08:20.050
- Bag. Bag!
- She's going. She's gonna go!
134
00:08:20.134 --> 00:08:23.845
Here's the bag. Breathe!
135
00:08:23.929 --> 00:08:26.598
[Female Singer]
% Ready, ready, ready, ready %
136
00:08:26.681 --> 00:08:28.766
% Ready to run %
137
00:08:28.849 --> 00:08:32.227
% All I'm ready to do is have some fun %
138
00:08:32.311 --> 00:08:33.770
[Barks]
139
00:08:33.854 --> 00:08:40.109
% What's all this talk about love %
140
00:08:40.151 --> 00:08:42.694
[Grunting]
141
00:08:44.654 --> 00:08:47.615
[Radio] On the local front,
our town of Hale, Maryland,
142
00:08:47.699 --> 00:08:50.159
is still buzzing about
the less-than-flattering article...
143
00:08:50.242 --> 00:08:52.870
about their native daughter,
Maggie Carpenter.
144
00:08:52.953 --> 00:08:55.038
Her bridal exploits were taken
to task...
145
00:08:55.122 --> 00:08:57.707
by New York columnist
Ike Graham in USA Today.
146
00:08:57.790 --> 00:08:59.876
- Mr. Graham called her--
- [Radio Off]
147
00:08:59.959 --> 00:09:03.420
[Maggie's Voice]
Dear Editor: Greetings from the sticks.
148
00:09:03.504 --> 00:09:07.465
Perhaps you believe that
a rural education is focused mainly...
149
00:09:07.507 --> 00:09:11.760
on hog calling and tractor maintenance
rather than reading.
150
00:09:11.844 --> 00:09:13.804
Why else would you print a piece
of fiction about me and call it fact?
151
00:09:13.804 --> 00:09:15.680
Why else would you print a piece
of fiction about me and call it fact?
152
00:09:18.850 --> 00:09:21.727
I suppose Mr. Graham was too busy
thinking up slanderous statements...
153
00:09:21.811 --> 00:09:23.812
about how I dump men for kicks...
154
00:09:23.854 --> 00:09:26.690
to bother with something silly
like accuracy in reporting.
155
00:09:26.773 --> 00:09:29.692
Which is understandable, because
with a man-eater like me on the loose,
156
00:09:29.776 --> 00:09:31.694
who has time to check facts?
157
00:09:31.777 --> 00:09:34.613
- Hey, Frances, lunch today?
- No, I'm going to the bank.
158
00:09:34.696 --> 00:09:36.615
- Sure?
- Sorry, Ike.
159
00:09:36.698 --> 00:09:39.909
- All right. Hey.
- Hey.
160
00:09:39.993 --> 00:09:42.119
I'm going to put in
a good word for you.
161
00:09:42.203 --> 00:09:43.329
Don't mention my name.
162
00:09:43.370 --> 00:09:45.372
[Maggie's Voice]
That's why I was surprised to find...
163
00:09:45.414 --> 00:09:47.707
Mr. Graham's editor was a woman.
164
00:09:47.791 --> 00:09:51.043
Call me a sentimental fool, but I hoped
we man-eaters could stick together.
165
00:09:51.085 --> 00:09:53.587
"Anyway, I'm just dropping
you big-city folk this little note...
166
00:09:53.671 --> 00:09:56.173
to say that I have thought
of a ritual sacrifice..."
167
00:09:56.214 --> 00:09:58.258
"that would satisfy
my current appetite:
168
00:09:58.341 --> 00:10:00.677
"Ike Graham's column
on a platter."
169
00:10:00.718 --> 00:10:03.012
"Yours truly, Maggie Carpenter.
P.S.
170
00:10:03.054 --> 00:10:06.682
"I have enclosed a list of gross factual
misrepresentations in your article.
171
00:10:06.765 --> 00:10:09.351
There are fifteen."
172
00:10:10.435 --> 00:10:12.395
[Ike]
Funny. I like her.
173
00:10:12.436 --> 00:10:15.022
She's got spunk.
174
00:10:15.105 --> 00:10:18.692
Ike, look. She sent us this list.
Our lawyers say it's actionable.
175
00:10:18.775 --> 00:10:20.860
[Sighs]
176
00:10:20.902 --> 00:10:23.279
I left you four messages.
You don't return my calls.
177
00:10:23.362 --> 00:10:26.240
I never returned your calls.
Even when we were married I didn't--
178
00:10:26.281 --> 00:10:31.119
-What's Fisher doing here?
-Ellie asked me to offer moral support.
179
00:10:31.202 --> 00:10:34.205
Since when does Ellie
need moral support?
180
00:10:34.246 --> 00:10:36.665
It's for you, Ike.
181
00:10:39.251 --> 00:10:41.211
What? What?
182
00:10:41.252 --> 00:10:43.379
Journalism lesson number one:
183
00:10:43.421 --> 00:10:46.548
If you fabricate your facts,
you get fired.
184
00:10:46.590 --> 00:10:50.051
Lesson number two:
Never work for your former spouse.
185
00:10:50.093 --> 00:10:54.722
That has nothing to do with it. You
cooked this story up, and you know it!
186
00:10:54.805 --> 00:10:56.807
I did not cook anything up.
I had a source.
187
00:10:56.890 --> 00:10:59.142
Someone reliable?
Some boozehound in a bar?
188
00:10:59.226 --> 00:11:00.644
In vino veritas.
189
00:11:00.727 --> 00:11:05.231
Hey, hey, hey. Don't knock drunk guys
in bars. It means they're not driving.
190
00:11:05.272 --> 00:11:07.232
Besides, lam a columnist.
191
00:11:07.274 --> 00:11:10.068
This is what columnists
are supposed to do.
192
00:11:10.110 --> 00:11:13.988
It's what you like. We push,
we stretch, we go out on a limb.
193
00:11:14.155 --> 00:11:15.698
That's what makes me good!
194
00:11:15.781 --> 00:11:19.117
No, that's what
makes you unemployed.
195
00:11:21.828 --> 00:11:24.914
All right. Let's consider
that my wrist has been slapped.
196
00:11:24.956 --> 00:11:27.958
There. Slap it.
Go ahead, just--
197
00:11:28.042 --> 00:11:30.627
Slap my wrist.
That's done.
198
00:11:30.710 --> 00:11:36.173
Just give me a call when you feel
that I've served my time, and move on.
199
00:11:38.926 --> 00:11:41.636
This is permanent, Ike.
200
00:11:43.221 --> 00:11:46.474
If you go quietly,
I'll get you severance pay.
201
00:11:56.065 --> 00:11:58.025
[Secretary]
I'm sorry, Ike.
202
00:11:59.985 --> 00:12:02.279
[Train Whistle Blowing]
203
00:12:04.280 --> 00:12:06.574
[Crossing Bell Ringing]
204
00:12:22.129 --> 00:12:26.007
- [Maggie]Bob? Honey?
- In the kitchen!
205
00:12:26.049 --> 00:12:28.009
Honey, she canned him! Honey?
206
00:12:28.050 --> 00:12:30.844
Bob, she canned him!
207
00:12:30.886 --> 00:12:33.889
- Yea! What are you talking about?
- Listen, it's in the paper.
208
00:12:33.972 --> 00:12:35.974
- Try this on first.
- Okay.
209
00:12:36.015 --> 00:12:38.392
I wanna read it to you,
so come over this way.
210
00:12:38.476 --> 00:12:40.686
Ready?
"Dear Maggie Carpenter:
211
00:12:40.769 --> 00:12:44.064
I apologize to you
for this unfortunate matter.''
212
00:12:44.147 --> 00:12:49.151
Here it is. "Ike Graham's column will
no longer be appearing in this paper.
213
00:12:49.235 --> 00:12:51.528
Best of luck
in your upcoming marriage."
214
00:12:51.570 --> 00:12:54.823
Okay, this is the weight of the pack
you'll be carrying in the Himalayas.
215
00:12:54.864 --> 00:12:58.826
- You let me know if it's too heavy.
- Okay. Whoa!
216
00:12:58.910 --> 00:13:02.871
A little... yeah. Yeah,
a little heavy, baby. [Laughing]
217
00:13:02.913 --> 00:13:05.206
[Screams, Laughs]
218
00:13:10.503 --> 00:13:13.630
[Phone Rings, Message Machine] Hi,
it's me. Leave a message after the beep.
219
00:13:13.714 --> 00:13:16.383
If you want to leave a fax,
buy me a fax machine.
220
00:13:16.424 --> 00:13:18.843
[Beeps]
Ike, Fisher.
221
00:13:18.885 --> 00:13:23.597
Get up. I can turn
this Runaway Bride story around.
222
00:13:23.680 --> 00:13:27.016
I'm doing a photo spread for G.Q.
today by the convey or belt.
223
00:13:27.058 --> 00:13:29.477
Meet me. I'll save your tush.
224
00:13:29.560 --> 00:13:32.938
And since I do freelance stuff
for G.Q. now, I have an idea.
225
00:13:33.021 --> 00:13:35.565
- What are you saying?
- Vindication.
226
00:13:35.649 --> 00:13:37.692
How would you like some?
227
00:13:37.734 --> 00:13:41.195
A chance to prove that although
your story wasn't entirely factual,
228
00:13:41.278 --> 00:13:43.864
your theory was correct.
229
00:13:43.947 --> 00:13:48.034
- The real story on Miss Carpenter.
- All the gory details.
230
00:13:48.117 --> 00:13:50.077
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
231
00:13:50.119 --> 00:13:53.330
[Fisher] And if she runs again,
you got a cover story.
232
00:13:54.998 --> 00:13:57.584
[Male Singers]
% Oh, here she comes %
233
00:13:57.667 --> 00:14:00.044
% Watch out, boy
she'll chew you up %
234
00:14:00.086 --> 00:14:02.505
% Oh, here she comes %
235
00:14:02.588 --> 00:14:05.424
% She's a man-eater %
236
00:14:05.465 --> 00:14:08.426
% Oh, here she comes %
237
00:14:08.468 --> 00:14:11.053
% Watch out, boy
she'll chew you up %
238
00:14:11.095 --> 00:14:13.264
% Oh, here she comes %
239
00:14:13.347 --> 00:14:16.224
% She's a man-eater %
240
00:14:16.266 --> 00:14:18.810
% She'll only come out at night %
241
00:14:18.893 --> 00:14:21.812
% The lean and hungry type %
242
00:14:21.896 --> 00:14:25.566
% Nothing is new
I've seen her here before %
243
00:14:27.359 --> 00:14:29.986
% Watching and waiting %
244
00:14:30.069 --> 00:14:35.074
% She's seated with you
but here yes are on the door %
245
00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:40.078
% I wouldn't if I were you %
246
00:14:40.119 --> 00:14:43.080
% I know what she can do %
247
00:14:43.122 --> 00:14:48.668
%She's deadly, man
She could really rip your world apart %
248
00:14:48.752 --> 00:14:51.045
% Mind over matter %
249
00:14:51.129 --> 00:14:55.924
% Oh, the beauty is there
but a beast is in the heart %
250
00:14:55.966 --> 00:14:58.468
Here you go.
Right upstairs to the left.
251
00:14:58.510 --> 00:15:00.470
Thanks. How late's
the restaurant open?
252
00:15:00.512 --> 00:15:03.931
- 8:30 every night.
- [Chuckles] That late, huh?
253
00:15:12.939 --> 00:15:15.816
[Maggie]
Cindy, can you eighty-six Sprout?
254
00:15:15.858 --> 00:15:19.152
He's licking up all the petroleum
distillates I'm trying to put in.
255
00:15:19.236 --> 00:15:21.696
Oh, sorry.
She's an obedience school dropout.
256
00:15:21.779 --> 00:15:25.616
- [Sprout Barks]
- Have a seat.
257
00:15:25.658 --> 00:15:30.662
% [Barbershop Quartet Vocalizing] %
258
00:15:30.745 --> 00:15:32.789
[Applause]
259
00:15:32.872 --> 00:15:37.334
Thank you. We'll see you, ladies and
gentlemen, in the hotel on the weekend.
260
00:15:47.384 --> 00:15:49.761
You're a goddess.
You're a goddess!
261
00:15:49.845 --> 00:15:53.890
[Into Tape Recorder]
Shazam! I think I'm in Mayberry.
262
00:15:53.973 --> 00:15:57.184
[Maggie]I didn't have to change a
gasket, just put in new hydraulic fluid.
263
00:15:57.268 --> 00:15:59.811
[Woman] Stop it! When you talk like
that, it turns me on and frightens me.
264
00:15:59.895 --> 00:16:04.482
- Oh, you turn a girl's head.
- [Laughing] Whoa!
265
00:16:04.565 --> 00:16:07.902
Excuse me. Hello?
266
00:16:07.985 --> 00:16:10.195
Excuse me. Could you help--
I'm looking for Maggie Carpenter.
267
00:16:10.237 --> 00:16:14.741
There was a, uh, note on the door
of the hardware store across the street.
268
00:16:14.824 --> 00:16:16.867
- Are you a reporter?
- What?
269
00:16:16.951 --> 00:16:18.952
It's just been
our experience that...
270
00:16:19.036 --> 00:16:21.872
anyone who comes in here
with tassels on his loafers...
271
00:16:21.913 --> 00:16:26.584
is a big-city reporter
wanting to do an interview with Maggie.
272
00:16:26.667 --> 00:16:28.669
About her upcoming
wedding and all.
273
00:16:28.711 --> 00:16:33.840
Actually about her getting
that asshole from New York fired.
274
00:16:33.882 --> 00:16:38.761
I am just such a reporter.
And who are you?
275
00:16:38.844 --> 00:16:43.265
- Peggy Flemming. Not the ice skater.
- [Laughs]
276
00:16:43.348 --> 00:16:45.350
[Peggy]
Come in, come in.
277
00:16:45.433 --> 00:16:47.685
[Ike]
Who are these lovely ladies?
278
00:16:47.727 --> 00:16:50.729
Hi. I'm Cindy.
Maggie's unmarried cousin.
279
00:16:50.813 --> 00:16:53.523
Mrs. Pressman.
No relation. Oh, sorry.
280
00:16:53.565 --> 00:16:55.567
[Peggy]
And you are?
281
00:16:55.608 --> 00:16:58.903
Looking... for Maggie.
282
00:16:58.944 --> 00:17:01.613
Maggie, someone to see you.
283
00:17:09.745 --> 00:17:15.208
I hope you've got a new angle because
it's all pretty much been covered.
284
00:17:15.291 --> 00:17:17.335
Hold on. No one interviews Maggie
in here without a haircut.
285
00:17:17.418 --> 00:17:19.837
Sorry, no.
Just got one.
286
00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:23.173
[Mrs. Pressman]
Excuse me, sir, I have a fact for you.
287
00:17:23.215 --> 00:17:27.010
- This is an actual fact.
- Yes, Mrs. Pressman?
288
00:17:27.093 --> 00:17:29.929
This is actually her fourth wedding,
not her seventh like they said.
289
00:17:30.012 --> 00:17:33.056
[Ike] I know. Tell me something.
Do you think she's...
290
00:17:33.140 --> 00:17:36.142
- gonna make it all the way this time?
- I don't know.
291
00:17:36.184 --> 00:17:39.061
[Gasps]
292
00:17:39.145 --> 00:17:42.940
She swallowed her gum.
She does that.
293
00:17:44.524 --> 00:17:47.860
Mr. Schulian, he runs the newsstand.
He's also our local bookie.
294
00:17:47.902 --> 00:17:49.862
He's given eight-to-one odds
that she won't.
295
00:17:49.946 --> 00:17:52.197
Okay.
296
00:17:52.239 --> 00:17:55.117
Instead of a haircut,
how 'bout a wash?
297
00:17:55.200 --> 00:17:57.285
Get all that city grit
out of your hair.
298
00:17:57.368 --> 00:17:59.287
You'll answer my questions?
299
00:17:59.370 --> 00:18:01.288
Mm-hmm.
300
00:18:01.372 --> 00:18:04.833
Fine! You wash, I'll ask.
301
00:18:04.916 --> 00:18:07.544
So, what do you want to know?
302
00:18:07.627 --> 00:18:09.545
When is the big day?
303
00:18:09.629 --> 00:18:13.632
- A week from Sunday.
- Let's put this here like this...
304
00:18:13.715 --> 00:18:16.718
because this aroma therapy
can get a little strong.
305
00:18:16.801 --> 00:18:19.053
The lavender,
we don't want to put you to sleep.
306
00:18:19.095 --> 00:18:20.596
[Ike] You nervous?
307
00:18:20.680 --> 00:18:23.307
I've never been more certain
of anything in my life.
308
00:18:23.390 --> 00:18:27.102
Except I've been having
all kinds of weird dreams.
309
00:18:27.185 --> 00:18:29.937
Mm-hmm. Would you like
to tell me about 'em?
310
00:18:30.021 --> 00:18:31.939
Yeah, sure.
311
00:18:32.022 --> 00:18:35.651
- [Maggie] And another one.
- Pete, I'll be right with ya.
312
00:18:35.734 --> 00:18:38.862
[Maggie] I go inside the church
and everyone I know is there.
313
00:18:38.945 --> 00:18:43.407
The creepiest part is
I look down at my dress, and it's red!
314
00:18:43.490 --> 00:18:46.660
I don't know what that means.
Red is not my color.
315
00:18:48.620 --> 00:18:50.580
What do you think?
316
00:18:50.621 --> 00:18:53.124
- I think you'd look good in red.
- No, no.
317
00:18:54.917 --> 00:18:58.545
She means about your hair.
318
00:19:00.338 --> 00:19:02.340
[Peggy Chuckles]
319
00:19:06.718 --> 00:19:09.721
My jacket, please.
320
00:19:09.804 --> 00:19:12.390
Thank you.
321
00:19:12.431 --> 00:19:17.811
Excuse me, sir. Do you know where I can
get some shampoo? Strong shampoo?
322
00:19:17.894 --> 00:19:21.647
Doc's pharmacy. Third and Elm.
Tell 'em Pete sent ya.
323
00:19:21.731 --> 00:19:23.691
You want my hat?
324
00:19:23.774 --> 00:19:27.611
No, no, I'm fine.
You might need it.
325
00:19:35.284 --> 00:19:39.663
Mr. Graham, if you're looking
for Elm Street, it's that way.
326
00:19:39.746 --> 00:19:41.914
Thank you.
327
00:19:41.998 --> 00:19:44.959
If you came down here in the pursuit of
happiness, you might as well go back...
328
00:19:45.000 --> 00:19:47.086
because you can't make me feel bad.
329
00:19:47.127 --> 00:19:51.339
I'm not trying to make you feel bad.
I'm here for vindication.
330
00:19:51.422 --> 00:19:54.508
In my heart,
I feel I'm right about you.
331
00:19:54.592 --> 00:19:56.176
Mmm.
332
00:19:56.260 --> 00:19:58.303
You got me fired, lady.
333
00:19:58.387 --> 00:20:03.141
You destroyed my reputation,
and you screwed up my hair.
334
00:20:03.182 --> 00:20:06.143
You chew up men,
spit 'em out and love it.
335
00:20:06.227 --> 00:20:09.396
You're gonna do the same thing
to this poor schmuck number four...
336
00:20:09.479 --> 00:20:11.940
that you did
to the previous three.
337
00:20:11.981 --> 00:20:13.941
You're gonna run again.
338
00:20:13.983 --> 00:20:16.235
And I'm not leaving until you do.
339
00:20:17.653 --> 00:20:22.032
I'd love to stay and chat,
but I still have my job.
340
00:20:28.871 --> 00:20:31.414
Hey, kid, kid, kid,
wait a minute.
341
00:20:31.498 --> 00:20:33.458
- Give you ten bucks for the hat.
- Sure!
342
00:20:33.499 --> 00:20:36.127
That's right.
343
00:20:40.005 --> 00:20:42.007
Sheesh.
344
00:20:49.513 --> 00:20:51.515
[Bob Chuckles]
345
00:20:51.556 --> 00:20:54.726
I'm telling you,
that is a photo opportunity.
346
00:20:54.809 --> 00:20:58.437
When I only see one dog,
I know I've had too much to drink.
347
00:21:00.147 --> 00:21:02.274
Hey, you'll never guess...
348
00:21:02.357 --> 00:21:06.736
who came crawling into town
with his tail between his legs.
349
00:21:06.819 --> 00:21:08.737
[Walter]
Who?
350
00:21:08.821 --> 00:21:10.906
Hello, Maggie.
351
00:21:10.989 --> 00:21:14.534
[Ike] I just came over
to apologize to your family.
352
00:21:14.617 --> 00:21:16.869
When I'm wrong, I'm wrong.
353
00:21:16.953 --> 00:21:19.705
I pushed a story.
I made a mistake.
354
00:21:19.788 --> 00:21:25.043
In other words, he's only human.
And he brought us a bottle of wine.
355
00:21:25.126 --> 00:21:28.921
-Made me put my hat back on.
-Yeah. It scared the hell outta Skipper.
356
00:21:29.004 --> 00:21:30.672
[Barks]
357
00:21:30.756 --> 00:21:32.966
You've gotta be kidding me.
358
00:21:33.049 --> 00:21:35.385
No, no. You should've seen Skipper.
He was like-- [Barks]
359
00:21:37.095 --> 00:21:39.680
[Howls]
360
00:21:41.640 --> 00:21:43.808
It wasn't that... funny.
361
00:21:43.892 --> 00:21:46.728
Actually, it's been quite amusing.
362
00:21:46.769 --> 00:21:50.606
Walter, here, has been sharing his
father of the bride wedding memories.
363
00:21:50.689 --> 00:21:53.275
You know what?
364
00:21:53.358 --> 00:21:57.278
I think I'll take this to the kitchen.
[Mouthing Words]
365
00:21:57.362 --> 00:22:01.198
I'll help you bring it in...
to the kitchen.
366
00:22:01.240 --> 00:22:03.492
- Check on the crabs, Bob.
- Okay.
367
00:22:03.575 --> 00:22:05.910
-[Whispers] Is he staying for dinner?
-I don't know.
368
00:22:05.952 --> 00:22:09.622
I hope they don't have a fight. You
don't think they'd call it off, do you?
369
00:22:09.705 --> 00:22:14.084
Wedding cake freezes. This we know.
[Chuckles]
370
00:22:14.126 --> 00:22:18.629
- You know, your daughter is such--
- [Gasps] Oh, I'm sorry.
371
00:22:18.713 --> 00:22:21.298
No, no, that's all right,
Grandma. That's fine.
372
00:22:21.382 --> 00:22:23.342
She's such a lovely girl.
373
00:22:23.425 --> 00:22:26.261
Yeah. Well,
like her mother. Look.
374
00:22:26.344 --> 00:22:28.638
May she rest in peace.
375
00:22:28.721 --> 00:22:31.599
We were all so proud of Maggie
when she was in school.
376
00:22:31.640 --> 00:22:35.143
She won that American Legion
scholarship to college.
377
00:22:35.227 --> 00:22:36.978
She studied industrial design.
378
00:22:37.062 --> 00:22:40.815
I can't see her leaving multiple grooms
in the dust like that.
379
00:22:40.898 --> 00:22:43.817
Oh, yes, you can.
She's got it all on tape.
380
00:22:45.110 --> 00:22:48.947
- Tape?
- Yeah, they're all right there.
381
00:22:48.988 --> 00:22:51.282
You got tapes of the wedding?
382
00:22:51.324 --> 00:22:53.409
Lee, at the hotel,
videos weddings.
383
00:22:53.492 --> 00:22:58.705
Course Maggie didn't know she was
gonna be running the 100-yarddash.
384
00:22:58.788 --> 00:23:02.458
- I gotta say, she makes real good time.
- Bingo!
385
00:23:02.541 --> 00:23:05.168
Maggie may not be
Hale's longest running joke,
386
00:23:05.252 --> 00:23:07.170
but she is certainly the fastest.
387
00:23:07.254 --> 00:23:10.006
Ha, ha.
388
00:23:12.675 --> 00:23:15.969
Maggie's mom and I
were only blessed with one child,
389
00:23:16.011 --> 00:23:18.013
not for a lack of trying.
390
00:23:18.096 --> 00:23:20.098
This is good, Dad.
Don't leave anything out.
391
00:23:21.182 --> 00:23:23.184
I consider it a bonus...
392
00:23:23.267 --> 00:23:25.936
[Skipper Barks]
393
00:23:25.978 --> 00:23:29.606
that I'm actually able to plan
and pay for so many weddings.
394
00:23:29.689 --> 00:23:32.024
Not this one.
This one's on me.
395
00:23:32.108 --> 00:23:34.735
Oh! That's fair.
396
00:23:34.818 --> 00:23:38.989
I don't do it on purpose, and
I have no intentions of doing it again.
397
00:23:39.072 --> 00:23:41.908
That's right, Maggie.
Just keep your eye on the ball.
398
00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:46.411
Sports psychology.
399
00:23:46.495 --> 00:23:51.999
Bob is the head of
the P.E. department at the high school.
400
00:23:52.083 --> 00:23:55.753
And he coaches the football team.
And he's climbed Everest.
401
00:23:57.838 --> 00:24:00.590
- Everest? Is it true?
- [Maggie] Twice.
402
00:24:00.673 --> 00:24:02.425
Without oxygen.
403
00:24:02.508 --> 00:24:05.636
- My girl, she likes to brag about me.
- I do.
404
00:24:06.762 --> 00:24:09.806
Maggie's training
for our wedding night.
405
00:24:09.889 --> 00:24:12.475
I'm taking her trekking on Annapurna
for our honeymoon.
406
00:24:12.558 --> 00:24:15.769
- Oh, how romantic!
- We think so.
407
00:24:15.853 --> 00:24:20.273
Nothing like sharing your nuptial bed
with two Sherpas and a yak.
408
00:24:20.357 --> 00:24:22.608
[Laughing]
409
00:24:25.069 --> 00:24:28.071
Hey, Ike, how's it going?
410
00:24:28.155 --> 00:24:31.866
You won't believe what
I'm looking at here. I got a video...
411
00:24:31.950 --> 00:24:33.868
of all three train wrecks.
412
00:24:33.951 --> 00:24:38.247
[Chavez]
Here's my bride, who's my pride.
413
00:24:38.330 --> 00:24:40.790
I'll never hide
when she's by my side.
414
00:24:40.874 --> 00:24:43.376
This is for you, Maggie,
my "Sugar Magnolia."
415
00:24:43.459 --> 00:24:48.881
[Ike] You want the truth?
You want the facts? I got 'em.
416
00:24:53.384 --> 00:24:55.553
I'll send you a copy
of the notes.
417
00:24:55.636 --> 00:24:57.763
Good weekend reading for you.
418
00:24:57.846 --> 00:24:59.723
Love to Ellie. Okay, bye.
419
00:25:02.017 --> 00:25:04.143
[Male Singer]
% Sweet blossom come on %
420
00:25:04.268 --> 00:25:05.519
% Under the willow %
421
00:25:05.603 --> 00:25:08.272
% We can have high times
if you'll abide %
422
00:25:08.355 --> 00:25:11.108
% We can discover
the wonders of nature %
423
00:25:11.149 --> 00:25:16.279
% Rolling in the rushes
down by the riverside %
424
00:25:17.821 --> 00:25:20.240
% She's got everything
delightful %
425
00:25:20.324 --> 00:25:23.201
% She's got everything I need %
426
00:25:23.284 --> 00:25:26.454
% Takes the wheel
when I'm seeing double %
427
00:25:26.537 --> 00:25:29.081
% Pays my ticket when I speed %
428
00:25:31.291 --> 00:25:33.209
[Music Stops]
429
00:25:33.293 --> 00:25:36.295
Okay, preacher man, let's go!
430
00:25:36.337 --> 00:25:39.965
-[Chavez] Maggie, where're you goin'?
-[Maggie] Sam!
431
00:25:40.007 --> 00:25:43.343
-[Maggie]Sam. Get back on the bike.
-Okay. How was the wedding?
432
00:25:43.426 --> 00:25:47.221
Shorter than we planned.
Just go.
433
00:25:47.305 --> 00:25:50.140
[Chavez]
Okay, peace, baby.
434
00:25:52.017 --> 00:25:54.019
[Video Fast-Forwarding]
435
00:25:54.102 --> 00:25:56.104
%[Organ]
436
00:26:16.329 --> 00:26:19.915
[Female Singer]
% ["Ave Maria"]
437
00:26:32.884 --> 00:26:36.721
[Concerned Murmuring]
438
00:26:36.804 --> 00:26:40.516
-[Man] Where is she going?
-[Woman] Look, she's leaving.
439
00:26:40.558 --> 00:26:44.728
- [Woman #2] She forgot her purse.
- No, she didn't forget her purse.
440
00:26:44.811 --> 00:26:47.480
[Walter]
Go after her! Do something!
441
00:26:50.900 --> 00:26:53.193
[Chuckles]
I don't believe this.
442
00:27:15.212 --> 00:27:17.922
[Minister] Dearly beloved,
we're gathered here today--
443
00:27:18.006 --> 00:27:20.550
[Whinnies]
444
00:27:20.633 --> 00:27:24.970
Could we hold the horse, please?
What's wrong with the horse?
445
00:27:25.053 --> 00:27:28.640
The horse seems more jittery
than the bride.
446
00:27:55.579 --> 00:27:57.247
I like the white tuxedo.
447
00:27:57.289 --> 00:27:59.582
Yeah, but he's no good
'cause he's too blond.
448
00:27:59.666 --> 00:28:02.793
All right. Then we just go
with something very traditional.
449
00:28:02.877 --> 00:28:06.922
He's handsome.
Maybe a little too dark for Bob.
450
00:28:06.963 --> 00:28:10.425
Yeah, but he's got
the "Bobster's" eyes.
451
00:28:10.466 --> 00:28:13.928
No, no, no, no. The Bobster's eyes
are closer set. Yeah.
452
00:28:13.969 --> 00:28:16.180
- Hello! Hi.
- Hi.
453
00:28:16.263 --> 00:28:19.391
-Could I have two cups of coffee? And--
-Yes.
454
00:28:19.474 --> 00:28:22.185
[Sniffs]
Mmm. What is that wonderful smell?
455
00:28:22.268 --> 00:28:24.812
Oh, the cinnamon rolls!
456
00:28:24.895 --> 00:28:27.230
- Could I have two of those? Thank you.
- Yeah, sure.
457
00:28:27.314 --> 00:28:30.733
Okay. Uh, Maggie,
I think this makes the best you.
458
00:28:30.900 --> 00:28:32.360
[Whispering] Okay.
459
00:28:32.443 --> 00:28:37.406
Oh, let's see. Look at that.
460
00:28:37.489 --> 00:28:39.532
Excuse me.
461
00:28:39.616 --> 00:28:43.327
Oh, look at that.
462
00:28:43.411 --> 00:28:46.080
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam!
463
00:28:46.163 --> 00:28:50.792
Ow, ow, ow!
Help me! Help me!
464
00:28:50.834 --> 00:28:53.711
[Sighs]
Yep, that'd be her.
465
00:28:55.337 --> 00:28:58.131
You must be
that Mr. Graham fella.
466
00:28:58.173 --> 00:29:00.300
- Yes, I am! And you are?
- [Laughing]
467
00:29:00.342 --> 00:29:03.219
- I'm Betty Trout.
- Hi, Betty!
468
00:29:03.302 --> 00:29:06.639
Okay, I guess you'll be
the one making the cake.
469
00:29:06.680 --> 00:29:08.515
Yes, I am. Sure.
470
00:29:08.599 --> 00:29:11.434
I'm also told
that you will be throwing--
471
00:29:11.518 --> 00:29:14.145
I'm throwing the luau for Maggie.
472
00:29:14.187 --> 00:29:16.981
Pre-wedding luau!
473
00:29:17.064 --> 00:29:19.191
If you're still in town,
you should stop by.
474
00:29:19.274 --> 00:29:21.234
No, no, he doesn't want to come.
475
00:29:21.318 --> 00:29:23.361
I'd love to come.
[Bell Rings]
476
00:29:23.444 --> 00:29:26.072
I will be there. Thank you.
477
00:29:26.155 --> 00:29:30.158
Is that what you're going to do now?
Follow me around everywhere I go?
478
00:29:30.242 --> 00:29:31.409
No.
479
00:29:31.493 --> 00:29:34.579
I'll be back, Betty.
480
00:29:34.662 --> 00:29:37.540
Bye, Mr. Graham.
481
00:29:37.581 --> 00:29:39.917
- He's not a nice person.
- Well, I know.
482
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:43.628
That's my pick.
The eyes are perfect.
483
00:29:43.711 --> 00:29:47.965
[Cheerleaders]
We always win. We never fail.
484
00:29:48.048 --> 00:29:52.469
We're the Comets, so go to Hale!
% Let's go, Comets %
485
00:29:52.552 --> 00:29:56.222
% Let's go
Let's go, Comets, let's go %
486
00:29:56.305 --> 00:29:59.266
- Hi, Miss Carpenter.
- Hey, Kendall.
487
00:30:00.684 --> 00:30:05.480
Maggie, don't marry Coach.
Marry me. I love you.
488
00:30:05.563 --> 00:30:10.359
You're jail bait, Dennis. Go away.
Go away. Run your laps. Go, go!
489
00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:14.612
[Bob]
Drive, drive, drive! From the hips!
490
00:30:14.696 --> 00:30:16.864
Keep it low now, keep it low!
491
00:30:16.948 --> 00:30:20.576
[Whistle Blows] Good job, gentlemen.
All right, special teams.
492
00:30:20.659 --> 00:30:23.245
Special teams.
493
00:30:23.328 --> 00:30:26.205
- Hey, honey, how are you?
- Good.
494
00:30:26.247 --> 00:30:29.083
What is he up to now?
495
00:30:29.166 --> 00:30:31.418
Ike just dropped by
to check out the team.
496
00:30:31.501 --> 00:30:33.170
And to talk about you!
497
00:30:33.253 --> 00:30:35.046
- Ahh!
- Yes!
498
00:30:35.130 --> 00:30:37.590
You aren't making friends
with this man, are you?
499
00:30:37.632 --> 00:30:41.009
I'm just bragging
about how good you are.
500
00:30:41.093 --> 00:30:44.512
- And how I'm the luckiest man alive.
- Mm-hmm!
501
00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:47.390
Sweetie.
502
00:30:47.432 --> 00:30:50.934
Well, I better be moving.
503
00:30:51.018 --> 00:30:53.437
Got a lot of work to do today.
504
00:30:53.478 --> 00:30:55.897
- See you two lovebirds later.
- See you at the weddin'.
505
00:30:55.939 --> 00:30:59.859
- Yeah. Thanks for the jacket.
- You invited him to the wedding?
506
00:30:59.942 --> 00:31:03.945
% Go, go, Comets
Let's go %
507
00:31:04.029 --> 00:31:06.239
Don't you realize he's writing
another article about me?
508
00:31:06.281 --> 00:31:07.115
Sure.
509
00:31:07.198 --> 00:31:12.870
But you're not runnin'. Come on. Give
me some of that homemade sunshine.
510
00:31:12.953 --> 00:31:17.665
Boys, take my princess
for a ride on her chariot.
511
00:31:17.749 --> 00:31:19.584
Oh, my--
[Laughing]
512
00:31:25.964 --> 00:31:28.216
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
513
00:31:28.299 --> 00:31:32.761
My last confession was--
Well, anyway.
514
00:31:32.845 --> 00:31:35.597
I have sort of
a technical question.
515
00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:38.725
I've been having bad thoughts.
516
00:31:38.808 --> 00:31:41.644
Reallybadthoughts.
517
00:31:41.727 --> 00:31:44.605
- Of an impure nature?
- No, no.
518
00:31:44.646 --> 00:31:50.568
I want to destroy this man's life,
career, everything. I want revenge!
519
00:31:50.651 --> 00:31:53.987
Now, on the sin scale,
howbadis that?
520
00:31:54.071 --> 00:31:57.365
Can I... "Hail Mary"
my way out of that?
521
00:31:57.449 --> 00:32:00.993
-My child, any sin in one's heart is a--
-The name is Maggie.
522
00:32:01.077 --> 00:32:03.620
It was this side of ten years ago
you had your tongue down my throat.
523
00:32:03.704 --> 00:32:06.748
So don't "my child" me, Brian, okay?
It annoys me.
524
00:32:06.832 --> 00:32:09.209
Maggie, don't get so upset.
525
00:32:09.292 --> 00:32:12.461
Hey, hey! Don't-- Brian, talk to me.
I need to talk to you.
526
00:32:12.545 --> 00:32:14.046
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie.
527
00:32:14.129 --> 00:32:16.798
You're not even Catholic
so you really shouldn't be here.
528
00:32:16.882 --> 00:32:20.843
I'm sorry. I'm just so stressed out
about this slimeball reporter.
529
00:32:20.885 --> 00:32:23.846
And I wanted to come and tell you
that he might stop by here...
530
00:32:23.887 --> 00:32:26.223
and ask you all kinds
of ridiculous questions.
531
00:32:26.306 --> 00:32:29.267
Well, he only actually asked me
one ridiculous question.
532
00:32:29.350 --> 00:32:31.310
The rest weren't so bad.
533
00:32:31.352 --> 00:32:35.022
What? Oh, you talked to him?
534
00:32:35.105 --> 00:32:38.441
Did you tell him
we dated before you were a priest?
535
00:32:38.525 --> 00:32:42.028
Of course.
I think I only did you good.
536
00:32:42.111 --> 00:32:44.363
W-What exactly did he ask?
537
00:32:44.446 --> 00:32:47.991
- Am I too late, Father?
- No, no.
538
00:32:48.033 --> 00:32:51.536
- It won't take long. Just two venials.
- Okay.
539
00:32:51.619 --> 00:32:54.080
Um, just respectful things.
540
00:32:54.163 --> 00:32:57.499
What kind of music did you like?
What did we have in common?
541
00:32:57.582 --> 00:33:01.669
Did you ruin my life
when you left me at the altar?
542
00:33:01.753 --> 00:33:04.213
Uh, what did you say?
543
00:33:04.296 --> 00:33:06.757
I said, you know,
how could I be angry...
544
00:33:06.840 --> 00:33:11.844
when this is clearly as God
intended for it to be for me?
545
00:33:11.970 --> 00:33:14.305
Good one! Thanks.
546
00:33:14.388 --> 00:33:19.267
But, actually,
it's, it's really, really how I feel.
547
00:33:21.936 --> 00:33:23.354
Of course. God, yes.
548
00:33:23.437 --> 00:33:25.439
Not... [Whispers] God.
549
00:33:25.523 --> 00:33:26.982
[Whispers]
Sorry.
550
00:33:27.066 --> 00:33:29.276
I better go.
The man is a lunatic.
551
00:33:29.359 --> 00:33:32.195
But I think I know exactly
where he's going next.
552
00:33:32.278 --> 00:33:34.197
[Whispering]
God bless.
553
00:33:35.614 --> 00:33:37.866
Oh! Purse.
554
00:33:37.950 --> 00:33:40.994
Forgot my purse.
555
00:33:41.077 --> 00:33:43.413
Hi, sorry. Purse.
556
00:33:43.496 --> 00:33:45.706
Good luck.
557
00:33:45.790 --> 00:33:48.500
What was the one ridiculous question
that he asked?
558
00:33:48.584 --> 00:33:51.670
He wanted to know
how you liked your eggs.
559
00:33:51.753 --> 00:33:53.546
Oh, weird.
560
00:33:53.629 --> 00:33:55.756
Like a person's gonna
remember after all this time.
561
00:33:55.840 --> 00:33:59.801
Scrambled with salt, pepper and dill.
Same as me.
562
00:34:03.930 --> 00:34:06.265
I'm sorry I hurt you, Brian.
563
00:34:07.891 --> 00:34:12.062
Maggie, I'm happy now... here.
It's where I'm supposed to be.
564
00:34:12.145 --> 00:34:16.524
But... if you ever do decide to become
a Catholic, will you do me this favor?
565
00:34:16.607 --> 00:34:18.525
Confess to Father Patrick.
566
00:34:18.609 --> 00:34:21.194
Of course.
567
00:34:35.998 --> 00:34:38.542
- Gill? Lydia?
- Mags!
568
00:34:38.626 --> 00:34:41.378
Hey, look, the tape. Remember?
569
00:34:41.461 --> 00:34:43.421
Radio City Music Hall concert...
570
00:34:43.505 --> 00:34:46.466
when Jerry was on "Ripple,"
and I'm going like, "Dude, let me jam."
571
00:34:46.549 --> 00:34:48.592
- Gill, listen--
- I'll play it for you.
572
00:34:48.676 --> 00:34:51.595
- You remember, Maggie. You were there.
- Can you focus on me?
573
00:34:51.678 --> 00:34:54.431
There's this reporter
who's making my life a living hell.
574
00:34:54.514 --> 00:34:55.848
Okay.
575
00:34:55.932 --> 00:34:58.559
And whatever you do,
576
00:34:58.642 --> 00:35:02.562
do not show him that picture of me
from the concert in San Francisco.
577
00:35:02.646 --> 00:35:04.689
- Okay? Can you--
- [Ike Laughing]
578
00:35:04.773 --> 00:35:09.151
- What is that?
- Uh-- Wait. San Francisco?
579
00:35:09.235 --> 00:35:11.778
But we went there a few times.
There's a lot of pictures.
580
00:35:11.862 --> 00:35:14.864
Which picture? Because one time
we had a flat tire. Remember?
581
00:35:14.948 --> 00:35:16.616
Imagine!
582
00:35:16.699 --> 00:35:22.120
Maggie Carpenter
topless in a public arena.
583
00:35:22.162 --> 00:35:24.831
Mmm. Oh, yeah.
584
00:35:24.914 --> 00:35:28.125
I see it was
a very chilly evening.
585
00:35:28.209 --> 00:35:30.461
Mm-hmm.
586
00:35:33.463 --> 00:35:36.382
What's really interesting
about this, though,
587
00:35:36.466 --> 00:35:40.386
is that you can't see
that rose tattoo...
588
00:35:40.469 --> 00:35:44.222
- on your back.
- [Chuckles]
589
00:35:44.306 --> 00:35:47.975
Oh, yeah. Ike bet me 50 bucks
that you don't still have it.
590
00:35:48.059 --> 00:35:51.395
I said, "You're on, man.
Maggie loved that thing."
591
00:35:51.478 --> 00:35:54.481
And, seriously, I mean,
I could use 50 bucks.
592
00:35:54.564 --> 00:35:57.650
- Mm-hmm.
- Maggie?
593
00:35:57.734 --> 00:35:59.652
Just--
594
00:36:03.447 --> 00:36:05.657
Look, I'm not gonna show
you guys anything.
595
00:36:05.699 --> 00:36:09.494
I am a soon-to-be-married woman.
So just give me the photograph!
596
00:36:09.535 --> 00:36:11.579
I would love to give you this.
Believe me, I would.
597
00:36:11.662 --> 00:36:15.540
Just give us a quick gander
at that rose,
598
00:36:15.624 --> 00:36:17.542
and I'll gladly
turn it over to you.
599
00:36:17.625 --> 00:36:20.419
Fine. Fine. Okay, fine.
600
00:36:22.171 --> 00:36:24.506
Okay? All right?
601
00:36:24.548 --> 00:36:27.300
- [Clears Throat] Satisfied?
- Completely.
602
00:36:27.384 --> 00:36:31.971
- Maggie, you got it removed?
- Gill--
603
00:36:32.054 --> 00:36:35.474
Gill, I'll go you double or nothing
it was a stick on.
604
00:36:37.517 --> 00:36:39.435
Maggie?
605
00:36:43.189 --> 00:36:45.816
Gill, I am...
606
00:36:45.899 --> 00:36:48.693
really, really...
607
00:36:48.777 --> 00:36:51.487
afraid of needles.
608
00:36:51.571 --> 00:36:53.656
- But that doesn't make me a bad person.
- Look.
609
00:36:53.739 --> 00:36:56.700
Look! Look!
610
00:36:56.742 --> 00:36:59.077
I think this man is heartbroken.
611
00:36:59.160 --> 00:37:01.329
- No, he's not.
- I think I am.
612
00:37:02.663 --> 00:37:04.998
No, you're, you're not!
613
00:37:05.082 --> 00:37:08.710
You have your guitar,
and you have Lydia. You're not--
614
00:37:08.793 --> 00:37:11.629
% [Guitar]
615
00:37:11.712 --> 00:37:15.049
We'll talk about this later. Okay?
616
00:37:20.428 --> 00:37:22.722
Hey, Ike?
617
00:37:22.805 --> 00:37:26.016
- What would Jerry do?
- He'd play.
618
00:37:26.100 --> 00:37:28.852
-Jerry would play!
- He would play!
619
00:37:41.362 --> 00:37:43.281
Well, there's Ike...
620
00:37:43.364 --> 00:37:45.741
with the mayor
and the police chief.
621
00:37:45.783 --> 00:37:47.784
Boy, he sure makes friends easy.
622
00:37:47.826 --> 00:37:50.787
That's pretty cool.
623
00:37:58.418 --> 00:38:00.211
- Oh, yeah!
- That's right!
624
00:38:05.299 --> 00:38:07.760
- Hey, you're that reporter, right?
- Yeah.
625
00:38:07.843 --> 00:38:10.262
There he is again!
626
00:38:10.345 --> 00:38:12.513
Snoop Doggy Dogg!
627
00:38:12.597 --> 00:38:15.808
- I'm going to marry Maggie someday.
- Oh, really?
628
00:38:15.891 --> 00:38:19.269
He's an attractive man.
629
00:38:19.311 --> 00:38:23.022
The vicious reporter is attractive?
You're saying viciousness is attractive?
630
00:38:23.106 --> 00:38:25.274
No, I'm not saying
viciousness is attractive.
631
00:38:29.111 --> 00:38:30.821
He's coming.
632
00:38:30.904 --> 00:38:32.238
I better go--
633
00:38:32.322 --> 00:38:34.824
No, no, no.
Don't leave. Uh, act natural.
634
00:38:34.907 --> 00:38:38.077
- Okay.
- He can probably read lips.
635
00:38:38.160 --> 00:38:42.163
The famous Swenson triplets.
Gimme 15. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well done.
636
00:38:42.247 --> 00:38:45.625
- I will handle this.
- Don't move your lips! Okay? Go on.
637
00:38:45.666 --> 00:38:49.294
I will handle this!
I won't say anything.
638
00:38:49.336 --> 00:38:51.546
- Okay.
- I'll handle it.
639
00:38:53.381 --> 00:38:57.176
Yeah, Cory!
640
00:38:57.259 --> 00:38:59.219
- Hey, Peggy Flemming!
- Hey.
641
00:38:59.303 --> 00:39:01.972
- Not the ice skater.
- That's Maggie's seat.
642
00:39:02.013 --> 00:39:04.641
Yes, and this must be her beer too.
643
00:39:04.724 --> 00:39:06.809
- [Cory]Hey!
- Hey, sweetie!
644
00:39:06.892 --> 00:39:09.812
[Ike]
That your husband out here?
645
00:39:09.895 --> 00:39:12.814
- Yeah.
- This is Cory? Cory Flemming?
646
00:39:12.856 --> 00:39:15.149
He's a radio announcer here,
isn't he?
647
00:39:15.191 --> 00:39:18.569
Yeah, that's right. Have you heard his
morning show, "Wake up with Flemm"?
648
00:39:20.154 --> 00:39:22.072
Not yet.
649
00:39:22.155 --> 00:39:26.576
[Grandma Over P.A.]Now up,
Atlantic Hotel's Lee Mistlehorne.
650
00:39:26.659 --> 00:39:28.702
He actually made
the all-stars in high school.
651
00:39:28.786 --> 00:39:31.038
Really?
You must be proud of him.
652
00:39:31.121 --> 00:39:33.039
I didn't really
know him back then.
653
00:39:33.123 --> 00:39:37.960
He was actually dating Maggie...
at the time.
654
00:39:38.044 --> 00:39:42.506
I mean, he never really--
They were never gonna...
655
00:39:42.589 --> 00:39:45.425
get engaged or anything,
it was just like, you know.
656
00:39:45.508 --> 00:39:48.427
Sometimes he'd call her Magpie,
and it was really irritating.
657
00:39:48.511 --> 00:39:51.472
But-- I don't know why
I'm telling you this.
658
00:39:51.555 --> 00:39:53.015
No, this is good.
659
00:39:55.517 --> 00:39:57.810
- He's stealing third!
- Yes!
660
00:39:57.894 --> 00:39:59.603
[Bob]
Safe.
661
00:39:59.687 --> 00:40:02.356
Excellent.
662
00:40:05.859 --> 00:40:08.236
Yes! Yes! Whoo!
663
00:40:09.737 --> 00:40:12.030
Safe!
664
00:40:12.114 --> 00:40:15.617
- I love it!
- Uh-huh!
665
00:40:15.700 --> 00:40:18.327
- Good one!
- Magpie!
666
00:40:20.287 --> 00:40:22.206
Just--
667
00:40:22.289 --> 00:40:24.207
Excellent!
668
00:40:25.834 --> 00:40:30.004
It's nice that
they're... still friends.
669
00:40:32.131 --> 00:40:36.885
Yeah, I mean, that was just a long time
ago. And, you know, it's just--
670
00:40:39.262 --> 00:40:42.181
So-- Excuse me.
671
00:40:42.264 --> 00:40:44.975
- You all right?
- Yeah!
672
00:40:45.058 --> 00:40:47.644
[Grandma Over P.A.] That makes it
Alumni, nine, Hale students, eight.
673
00:40:47.727 --> 00:40:51.313
- Hey, Peggy?
- Hey!
674
00:40:51.397 --> 00:40:56.401
[Grandma] Cookies for today's game
were donated by Betty Trout.
675
00:40:57.610 --> 00:41:01.530
Now up for the Comets,
Jordan Hill.
676
00:41:01.614 --> 00:41:03.574
You have been here,
what, like three minutes?
677
00:41:03.657 --> 00:41:05.117
What did you do to her?
678
00:41:05.200 --> 00:41:09.621
-You could just turn that finger around.
-Excuse me?
679
00:41:09.704 --> 00:41:13.457
Oh, Cory, Cory, Cory!
Pow, pow, pow, pow. What is this about?
680
00:41:13.540 --> 00:41:16.460
You know what? We have all
been friends our entire lives.
681
00:41:16.543 --> 00:41:19.420
A type of relationship
that you obviously don't understand.
682
00:41:19.504 --> 00:41:22.798
I'm not the only one
who does not understand.
683
00:41:22.882 --> 00:41:26.468
The U.S.S. Maggie
leaves quite a wake.
684
00:41:26.551 --> 00:41:28.511
Excuse me.
685
00:41:33.682 --> 00:41:37.561
Pot-stirrer man.
686
00:41:44.358 --> 00:41:46.818
[Grandma] Cory Flemming
to Lee Mistlehorne to Dr. Ettinger.
687
00:41:46.902 --> 00:41:49.654
Hey. All right.
688
00:41:50.822 --> 00:41:53.574
That's cheering.
I'm cheering normal.
689
00:41:53.657 --> 00:41:56.702
Cheer. Normal.
690
00:41:58.870 --> 00:42:02.832
- [Woman] Good morning, Peggy.
- Good morning.
691
00:42:12.799 --> 00:42:15.509
Do you think I flirt with Cory?
692
00:42:17.177 --> 00:42:21.139
Good morning to you too.
You look good.
693
00:42:21.181 --> 00:42:23.933
Thank you.
694
00:42:24.016 --> 00:42:26.393
Do you think I flirt with Cory?
695
00:42:26.477 --> 00:42:30.313
- Yes.
- I don't mean to.
696
00:42:30.397 --> 00:42:33.566
I know. I think sometimes
you just sort of...
697
00:42:33.649 --> 00:42:37.027
spaz out with excess
flirtatious energy,
698
00:42:37.069 --> 00:42:40.905
and it just lands
on anything male that moves.
699
00:42:40.989 --> 00:42:43.741
Anything male that moves?
700
00:42:43.825 --> 00:42:47.244
As opposed to anything male
that doesn't?
701
00:42:48.745 --> 00:42:52.248
Well, like certain kinds of coral.
702
00:42:53.249 --> 00:42:56.043
I'm definitely going to have
to kill myself today.
703
00:42:56.085 --> 00:42:57.086
Why?
704
00:42:57.169 --> 00:43:01.214
Because you think I'm all like,
"Hey, man, check me out."
705
00:43:01.298 --> 00:43:05.843
No, I don't.
I think you're like...
706
00:43:05.926 --> 00:43:09.888
"I'm charming and mysterious
in a way that even I don't understand,
707
00:43:09.930 --> 00:43:15.643
and something about me is crying out
for protection from a big man like you."
708
00:43:15.726 --> 00:43:17.770
It's very hard to compete with.
709
00:43:17.853 --> 00:43:21.523
Especially as... married women
who've lost our mystery.
710
00:43:21.606 --> 00:43:25.776
Lost-- You have--
You are totally mysterious.
711
00:43:25.860 --> 00:43:27.903
No. I'm weird.
712
00:43:27.987 --> 00:43:31.740
Weird and mysterious
are two very different things.
713
00:43:31.823 --> 00:43:35.243
- I'm weird.
- No, you're quirky.
714
00:43:35.284 --> 00:43:40.080
Quirky and weird
are two very different things.
715
00:43:42.082 --> 00:43:46.377
Peggy, I think there
is a distinct possibility...
716
00:43:46.461 --> 00:43:50.881
that I am profoundly
and irreversibly screwed up.
717
00:43:52.632 --> 00:43:54.551
Despite that,
718
00:43:54.634 --> 00:43:58.012
I love you and I promise...
719
00:43:58.095 --> 00:44:00.431
to no longer flirt with Cory.
720
00:44:01.890 --> 00:44:05.268
Maggie, I'm not worried
about you and Cory,
721
00:44:05.310 --> 00:44:07.812
or me and Cory,
722
00:44:07.895 --> 00:44:11.690
or you being
irreversibly screwed up.
723
00:44:11.773 --> 00:44:15.068
Maggie, you've been like this
since we were kids.
724
00:44:15.151 --> 00:44:19.572
And all I'm thinking is,
now that you're aware of it,
725
00:44:19.655 --> 00:44:21.949
and that it hurts
people's feelings sometimes,
726
00:44:21.990 --> 00:44:26.911
maybe it's time to get on with life,
and commit to someone of your own,
727
00:44:26.995 --> 00:44:29.747
like Bob, if he's the one.
728
00:44:30.873 --> 00:44:32.791
I know.
729
00:44:36.336 --> 00:44:40.089
Is there anything I can do to...
make it up to you?
730
00:44:40.172 --> 00:44:43.925
Well, there's always...
731
00:44:44.009 --> 00:44:47.804
the thing that brings
warmth to my heart,
732
00:44:47.887 --> 00:44:49.847
and that is duckbill platypus.
733
00:44:49.930 --> 00:44:54.142
Duckbill-- That is only funny
in like Camp Birchwood on...
734
00:44:54.226 --> 00:44:55.977
Just do it.
735
00:44:56.019 --> 00:44:58.312
a trip with the tent and my leg
as the pole and it's raining.
736
00:44:58.354 --> 00:45:00.314
And you know.
That's the only time that's funny.
737
00:45:00.356 --> 00:45:03.483
Let's just see.
738
00:45:05.193 --> 00:45:06.820
Oh.
739
00:45:13.200 --> 00:45:16.328
[Chuckling]
740
00:45:17.704 --> 00:45:20.539
It's so humiliating.
741
00:45:20.623 --> 00:45:22.374
Thank you.
742
00:45:24.168 --> 00:45:26.294
Thank you.
743
00:45:26.503 --> 00:45:28.755
[Barbershop Quartet]
% Farewell, ladies %
744
00:45:28.838 --> 00:45:33.008
% Farewell, ladies
We're going to leave you now %
745
00:45:33.050 --> 00:45:37.345
% Merrily we roll along
roll along, roll along %
746
00:45:39.055 --> 00:45:41.974
Lee. Hey, wake up. Hey!
747
00:45:42.058 --> 00:45:43.851
- Hello?
- Hi.
748
00:45:43.934 --> 00:45:46.686
Gimme the key to the reporter's
room. I wanna snoop around.
749
00:45:46.770 --> 00:45:48.855
- Come on, quick. Wake up.
- Second floor.
750
00:45:48.938 --> 00:45:51.857
- Thank you.
- Don't take anything big.
751
00:45:51.899 --> 00:45:54.318
Okay.
752
00:46:10.665 --> 00:46:12.583
Shh.
753
00:46:18.755 --> 00:46:20.673
Hmm.
754
00:46:21.924 --> 00:46:23.884
Hopefully his favorite.
755
00:46:23.926 --> 00:46:26.595
[Fisher Over Cell Phone]
My theory is she's running...
756
00:46:26.678 --> 00:46:28.680
because she gets negative attention.
757
00:46:28.763 --> 00:46:30.723
Negative attention is attention.
758
00:46:30.765 --> 00:46:34.060
You know, like when women whack you
on the street because of your column.
759
00:46:34.143 --> 00:46:35.644
That's negative attention.
760
00:46:35.728 --> 00:46:38.688
We're talking about
her negative attention, not mine.
761
00:46:47.446 --> 00:46:50.073
"How does she get all
those guys to propose?
762
00:46:50.156 --> 00:46:53.075
She's not that beautiful.''
763
00:46:53.159 --> 00:46:55.619
Bite me, paperboy.
764
00:46:58.997 --> 00:47:01.791
Ah, hey! Hey!
765
00:47:01.875 --> 00:47:03.167
Hi, Ike.
766
00:47:03.251 --> 00:47:07.212
You put your shoes out at night,
they're real shiny in the mornin'.
767
00:47:07.296 --> 00:47:11.049
- Sometimes they don't bring 'em back.
- Mmm, why take a chance?
768
00:47:11.132 --> 00:47:13.051
Good night.
769
00:47:26.854 --> 00:47:30.107
All right.
I know you're in there. I saw you.
770
00:47:32.067 --> 00:47:34.777
You realize you're messing
with the First Amendment now.
771
00:47:34.861 --> 00:47:38.113
[Knocking On Door]
Come on, open up.
772
00:47:38.197 --> 00:47:40.490
Come on!
773
00:47:40.574 --> 00:47:42.575
We should have
a very serious discussion...
774
00:47:42.617 --> 00:47:45.411
about why you are
such a pain in the ass!
775
00:47:45.453 --> 00:47:46.954
Open the door!
776
00:47:46.996 --> 00:47:49.623
I'm coming in.
I'm coming through.
777
00:47:49.706 --> 00:47:51.833
It's your last chance.
Here I come!
778
00:47:51.917 --> 00:47:53.751
Here I come!
779
00:47:55.503 --> 00:47:57.463
All right.
780
00:47:57.505 --> 00:48:02.259
Breaking and entering. That's a felony.
I'm calling the sheriff.
781
00:48:02.342 --> 00:48:04.135
You know what?
You do that.
782
00:48:04.219 --> 00:48:07.680
Can you remind him that's he's
bringing the wine to the luau?
783
00:48:07.763 --> 00:48:11.600
[Whispering]
It'll save me a call. Thanks so much.
784
00:48:11.641 --> 00:48:13.768
Hey, Ike, does your friend
have a sister?
785
00:48:13.852 --> 00:48:17.438
Wait for the original.
She'll be available in a week.
786
00:48:21.024 --> 00:48:23.818
%[Jazz]
787
00:48:47.713 --> 00:48:49.798
[Maggie Crowing]
788
00:48:49.840 --> 00:48:52.968
[Crowing Continues]
789
00:48:53.051 --> 00:48:56.346
[Crowing]
790
00:48:59.056 --> 00:49:02.976
Freeze. Oh, hold on to those covers.
I didn't come to see Ike Junior.
791
00:49:03.060 --> 00:49:07.855
[Sighs] I take it the desk clerk
is one of your many admirers.
792
00:49:09.523 --> 00:49:13.527
So, your notes made for...
interesting reading.
793
00:49:13.610 --> 00:49:15.111
What's your point?
794
00:49:15.195 --> 00:49:17.405
My point is, once again,
you're getting it all wrong.
795
00:49:17.488 --> 00:49:19.865
And that's not gonna improve
your reputation,
796
00:49:19.949 --> 00:49:22.493
and it's not very flattering
to me either.
797
00:49:22.534 --> 00:49:26.538
So, I decided that I would
help you write the truth.
798
00:49:26.621 --> 00:49:28.456
- [Chuckles] Really?
- Mm-hmm.
799
00:49:28.539 --> 00:49:31.458
Oh.
800
00:49:31.542 --> 00:49:35.712
I've decided to cooperate
and let you interview me...
801
00:49:35.754 --> 00:49:38.881
- for $1,000.
- [Groans]
802
00:49:38.965 --> 00:49:41.050
I want a big wedding
and a killer dress.
803
00:49:41.133 --> 00:49:46.388
And for a grand, I will answer all your
questions and let you follow me around.
804
00:49:46.429 --> 00:49:50.725
The magazine does not
spend money for stories.
805
00:49:50.766 --> 00:49:52.893
- It's not what you would call ethical.
- Oh.
806
00:49:52.977 --> 00:49:55.103
I meant you.
807
00:49:55.187 --> 00:49:59.399
I figured you probably
got severance or expenses or both.
808
00:49:59.440 --> 00:50:02.735
I'm guessing
that you're writing on spec.
809
00:50:02.776 --> 00:50:06.738
And with a first-person interview,
you might actually sell that thing.
810
00:50:06.780 --> 00:50:10.283
- Too much.
- Seven-fifty.
811
00:50:10.450 --> 00:50:12.409
- Five hundred.
- Six-fifty.
812
00:50:12.451 --> 00:50:15.537
Done.
813
00:50:15.621 --> 00:50:19.499
% [Ike Whistling Tune To
"The Andy Griffith Show"]
814
00:50:19.582 --> 00:50:23.669
Is that supposed to be a joke?
I know what you're whistling.
815
00:50:23.752 --> 00:50:25.671
- Hello.
- Hi.
816
00:50:27.964 --> 00:50:30.967
This is a birthday present
for my cousin.
817
00:50:31.008 --> 00:50:32.510
[Motor Whirring]
818
00:50:32.593 --> 00:50:35.762
[Chuckles]
That's great.
819
00:50:35.846 --> 00:50:40.433
Wonderful stuff. All these found
industrial parts and things.
820
00:50:40.516 --> 00:50:42.476
A lamp tree.
821
00:50:42.518 --> 00:50:44.478
That's great.
822
00:50:44.520 --> 00:50:48.440
- Is this-- That's your preferred logo?
- I think so.
823
00:50:48.481 --> 00:50:50.483
It's nice. The whole thing is great.
824
00:50:50.567 --> 00:50:52.610
I think you could sell
these lamps in New York.
825
00:50:52.693 --> 00:50:55.112
Maybe someday.
826
00:50:55.154 --> 00:50:58.782
- You afraid to try?
- No, no. I'm not afraid.
827
00:50:58.823 --> 00:51:02.160
Just... someday.
828
00:51:03.828 --> 00:51:06.371
This is Brian.
829
00:51:06.455 --> 00:51:08.707
Oh, Father Brian.
830
00:51:08.790 --> 00:51:12.752
- And Gill's, of course.
- Gill, yeah.
831
00:51:12.835 --> 00:51:16.046
And... George.
832
00:51:16.130 --> 00:51:19.799
He proposed at a butterfly farm
in Saint Thomas.
833
00:51:19.841 --> 00:51:21.926
The ring was inside a cocoon.
834
00:51:22.010 --> 00:51:26.430
Ahh. A little too
Silence of the Lambs for my taste, but--
835
00:51:26.513 --> 00:51:29.558
Well, he's an entomologist.
I thought it was very unique.
836
00:51:29.641 --> 00:51:32.393
- And finally, Bob.
- Mmm.
837
00:51:32.477 --> 00:51:34.729
He proposed during
the seventh inning stretch...
838
00:51:36.522 --> 00:51:39.816
at an Oriole game.
839
00:51:39.858 --> 00:51:43.027
Wait, wait.
Wait, don't tell me.
840
00:51:43.111 --> 00:51:46.405
The scoreboard lit up
with "Marry me, Maggie."
841
00:51:46.488 --> 00:51:49.157
It was one of the most
wonderful moments of my life.
842
00:51:49.241 --> 00:51:51.659
Highly suspect.
843
00:51:51.701 --> 00:51:54.996
What do you mean?
It was incredibly romantic.
844
00:51:55.037 --> 00:51:58.373
Look, maybe it's just me, but...
845
00:51:58.457 --> 00:52:02.293
if you gotta dress it up like that,
it just doesn't ring true.
846
00:52:02.377 --> 00:52:06.797
You know,
l, I think the most...
847
00:52:06.881 --> 00:52:09.258
that anybody
can honestly say is:
848
00:52:09.341 --> 00:52:14.512
"Look, I guarantee there'll be
tough times. I guarantee...
849
00:52:14.554 --> 00:52:19.349
"at some point one or both of us
is gonna want to get out of this thing.
850
00:52:19.433 --> 00:52:23.728
"But I also guarantee that
if I don't ask you to be mine,
851
00:52:23.811 --> 00:52:26.439
"I'll regret it
the rest of my life.
852
00:52:26.522 --> 00:52:31.026
"Because I know in my heart...
853
00:52:32.485 --> 00:52:35.029
you're the only one for me."
854
00:52:38.282 --> 00:52:40.242
I like it.
855
00:52:41.368 --> 00:52:43.661
I'd like it better
on a scoreboard.
856
00:52:46.789 --> 00:52:51.043
So, is that what you said when
you asked your wife to marry you?
857
00:52:51.126 --> 00:52:54.170
Don't look so surprised. You've got
"divorce" written all over you.
858
00:52:55.630 --> 00:52:58.382
I'm a work-in-progress.
859
00:52:58.424 --> 00:53:01.718
So, is that what
you said to her?
860
00:53:01.760 --> 00:53:04.763
No. I think I said
something very eloquent like,
861
00:53:04.846 --> 00:53:07.306
"So, um,
862
00:53:07.390 --> 00:53:10.351
"maybe you and I should,
you know--
863
00:53:10.434 --> 00:53:13.145
What do you think? Huh?''
864
00:53:14.437 --> 00:53:16.731
Now, that's romantic.
865
00:53:16.814 --> 00:53:19.984
And with a proposal like that,
you didn't find eternal bliss?
866
00:53:20.067 --> 00:53:22.903
- [Sighs]
- What went wrong?
867
00:53:22.986 --> 00:53:24.946
I don't know.
868
00:53:24.988 --> 00:53:28.908
- You don't know?
- No.
869
00:53:28.949 --> 00:53:33.036
Maybe you should ask her sometime.
Ever thought of that?
870
00:53:33.120 --> 00:53:35.830
[Chuckles]
871
00:53:42.461 --> 00:53:44.588
[Maggie] Even with
everything that's happened,
872
00:53:44.671 --> 00:53:46.506
I have still never been married.
873
00:53:46.589 --> 00:53:50.176
And I still deserve
a beautiful dress.
874
00:53:52.094 --> 00:53:54.429
- [Doorbells Tinkle]
- Mrs. Whittenmeyer?
875
00:53:54.513 --> 00:53:56.473
Where are you going?
876
00:53:56.514 --> 00:53:58.683
- Hi, Polly.
- Hi, Maggie.
877
00:53:58.766 --> 00:54:01.685
You'll have to excuse her. Some of
the children are afraid of you...
878
00:54:01.769 --> 00:54:04.229
since you dragged
that little boy up the aisle.
879
00:54:04.313 --> 00:54:06.231
Drag-- No.
I didn't, I didn't--
880
00:54:06.314 --> 00:54:08.608
He tripped
on his own shoelaces.
881
00:54:08.691 --> 00:54:11.861
You've come for your dress. Good.
It's in the back. I'll get it.
882
00:54:11.944 --> 00:54:16.656
Actually, Mrs. Whittenmeyer,
I decided...
883
00:54:16.740 --> 00:54:19.617
- that I want to get this dress.
- Oh.
884
00:54:19.659 --> 00:54:22.578
The one you have on hold
is lovely, dear.
885
00:54:22.661 --> 00:54:26.414
I know, but I've just--
I've changed my mind.
886
00:54:26.498 --> 00:54:28.708
This is $ 1 ,000.
887
00:54:28.791 --> 00:54:31.585
And I have $ 1 ,000.
888
00:54:31.669 --> 00:54:34.713
[Mrs. Whittenmeyer]
The other one is only $300, dear.
889
00:54:34.796 --> 00:54:39.133
Um-- Is that dress for sale?
890
00:54:39.217 --> 00:54:43.637
It's just a lot of money to spend
on one of your dresses, Maggie.
891
00:54:43.679 --> 00:54:47.557
After all, you only wear them
for about ten minutes or so.
892
00:54:52.895 --> 00:54:54.855
Um, yeah, yeah.
893
00:54:54.938 --> 00:54:58.108
I guess that's true.
894
00:54:59.901 --> 00:55:03.362
Uh, the other dress is, is nice.
895
00:55:03.404 --> 00:55:05.614
- Mrs. Whittenheimer?
- Meyer.
896
00:55:05.697 --> 00:55:08.366
Whittenmeyer. Could I talk
to you just for a second?
897
00:55:08.450 --> 00:55:10.743
Come here. I don't know much
about this kind of thing.
898
00:55:10.827 --> 00:55:15.289
I'm from out of town.
But you're a salesperson, right?
899
00:55:15.372 --> 00:55:18.500
- You're here to sell wedding dresses.
- I've been here 30 years.
900
00:55:18.541 --> 00:55:22.336
Perfect! Because
Miss Carpenter is here to buy one.
901
00:55:22.378 --> 00:55:25.381
Ah. But not just any one.
She wants that one.
902
00:55:25.422 --> 00:55:28.967
- It's $1,000!
- Listen, Aunt Bee.
903
00:55:31.010 --> 00:55:34.472
Verbal communication was never perfect
for me. Let's try visual, all right?
904
00:55:36.890 --> 00:55:39.100
[Ike]
We're buying the dress.
905
00:55:39.184 --> 00:55:41.853
Now, we'll have
this nice beautiful dress.
906
00:55:41.894 --> 00:55:45.522
And anything else she wants,
it's hers. Okay? All right?
907
00:55:52.737 --> 00:55:55.364
[Sighs]
What do you think?
908
00:56:03.037 --> 00:56:04.955
Hmm?
909
00:56:08.458 --> 00:56:11.503
[Sighs]
910
00:56:11.586 --> 00:56:14.380
You look--
911
00:56:20.677 --> 00:56:22.720
[Sniffs]
You look fine.
912
00:56:22.804 --> 00:56:25.389
Fine.
913
00:56:27.016 --> 00:56:29.017
[Clears Throat]
914
00:56:29.101 --> 00:56:31.853
You're reading your newspaper
upside down.
915
00:56:31.936 --> 00:56:34.230
That's gotta
be better than "fine."
916
00:56:34.272 --> 00:56:36.899
Yeah.
917
00:56:36.982 --> 00:56:38.942
Come on, now.
Admire me.
918
00:56:38.984 --> 00:56:41.236
Get the whole picture.
Right?
919
00:56:41.278 --> 00:56:43.279
I'm gonna have my hair up
somehow.
920
00:56:43.363 --> 00:56:45.323
I don't know.
Maybe with a little in the back.
921
00:56:45.406 --> 00:56:48.325
And, my favorite feature...
922
00:56:48.409 --> 00:56:53.288
is that it kind of swishes
like a bell when I move.
923
00:56:54.914 --> 00:56:56.749
[Maggie]
% Ding, ding %
924
00:56:56.832 --> 00:56:59.710
% Ding, ding %
925
00:57:01.461 --> 00:57:03.380
It works.
926
00:57:03.463 --> 00:57:06.215
Bob will be very happy.
927
00:57:06.299 --> 00:57:11.136
Oh, Bob! We gotta go.
We gotta go meet Bob.
928
00:57:11.261 --> 00:57:14.514
Oh, jeez, yeah, I'm goin' to the luau.
I never miss it. The barbershop--
929
00:57:14.556 --> 00:57:17.725
Mrs. Pressman, we're ready
to order here, I think.
930
00:57:17.808 --> 00:57:19.685
I'm all out of the special--
931
00:57:19.727 --> 00:57:22.687
That's all right. I'm gonna have
the garden omelet, egg whites only.
932
00:57:22.729 --> 00:57:25.523
- Okay.
- That sounds good. I'll have the same.
933
00:57:25.565 --> 00:57:27.066
Of course.
934
00:57:27.149 --> 00:57:31.486
What is that? I can't even order eggs
without sarcasm from you?
935
00:57:31.570 --> 00:57:33.071
[Clears Throat]
936
00:57:33.154 --> 00:57:35.365
- You're on the same team now.
- What is that sound?
937
00:57:35.406 --> 00:57:37.283
[Clears Throat]
Have some water.
938
00:57:37.366 --> 00:57:40.703
- Penalty box. Penalty box. Hmm?
- What is it? Fur ball?
939
00:57:40.786 --> 00:57:44.122
Ike, Maggie is the sweetest person
you're ever gonna meet.
940
00:57:44.205 --> 00:57:46.291
But she focuses too much out there.
941
00:57:46.374 --> 00:57:48.834
She needs to start
focusing more in here.
942
00:57:48.918 --> 00:57:51.420
That's why I think
she's had, uh,
943
00:57:51.503 --> 00:57:56.591
whatever you wanna call 'em--
problems in the past.
944
00:57:56.674 --> 00:57:59.385
And that's what
we're working on. Focus.
945
00:57:59.427 --> 00:58:02.888
-Focus. Focus on Maggie. Focus.
- Mm-hmm.
946
00:58:02.971 --> 00:58:05.890
Focus on Bob. Focus on Bob.
947
00:58:05.974 --> 00:58:08.851
I've been runnin' Maggie
through these visualization exercises.
948
00:58:08.935 --> 00:58:11.603
All the sports shrinks
use this head stuff.
949
00:58:11.687 --> 00:58:14.189
Visualize the end zone.
950
00:58:14.272 --> 00:58:18.734
Visualize that hole-in-one.
951
00:58:18.776 --> 00:58:22.654
Tell me. When you get to the altar,
do you spike the bouquet?
952
00:58:22.738 --> 00:58:25.740
- Okay, you know what--
- Well, I'm off.
953
00:58:25.824 --> 00:58:28.326
A reporter's work
is never done.
954
00:58:28.409 --> 00:58:30.327
See you later.
Bye, Mrs. Pressman. Thank you.
955
00:58:30.411 --> 00:58:34.664
I'm gonna go focus
on your eggs, Bob.
956
00:58:36.166 --> 00:58:38.626
I'm glad you're here.
I wanted to try to explain.
957
00:58:38.710 --> 00:58:42.921
There are reasons why there have been
three weddings and no "I do's."
958
00:58:42.963 --> 00:58:46.466
You can't believe how much cake
we got stuck with!
959
00:58:46.549 --> 00:58:48.760
It's a wonder
I don't weigh 300 pounds!
960
00:58:48.801 --> 00:58:51.679
And then, her father bought
all that booze that nobody drank.
961
00:58:51.762 --> 00:58:53.680
- But he didn't mind that--
- Hi, Grandma.
962
00:58:53.764 --> 00:58:55.849
[Makes Kissing Sound]
Hi, Netta.
963
00:58:55.932 --> 00:59:00.686
Grammy is giving me the skinny
on why you run from marital bliss.
964
00:59:00.770 --> 00:59:03.188
Right. Netta,
cover up your ears.
965
00:59:04.898 --> 00:59:07.025
It's not that she's afraid
of the wedding.
966
00:59:07.108 --> 00:59:10.319
- She's afraid of the wedding night!
- Mmm.
967
00:59:10.403 --> 00:59:13.906
Innocent girls are terrified
of the one-eyed snake.
968
00:59:16.450 --> 00:59:18.493
Why, when I was a virgin bride,
969
00:59:18.576 --> 00:59:20.828
I took a knitting needle
to bed with me.
970
00:59:20.912 --> 00:59:22.621
Uh--
[Clears Throat]
971
00:59:22.663 --> 00:59:24.998
Grandma, I charmed...
972
00:59:25.082 --> 00:59:29.836
- the one-eyed snake a while ago.
- Oh, yeah. I forgot.
973
00:59:29.919 --> 00:59:34.340
Well, I'll tell you one thing. Your
grandpa never forgot that wedding night.
974
00:59:34.423 --> 00:59:36.341
Netta, you can take
your hands down.
975
00:59:36.425 --> 00:59:38.343
- The tea's cold.
- Good.
976
00:59:38.426 --> 00:59:41.304
Could you excuse us for a minute?
May I have a word with you, please?
977
00:59:41.387 --> 00:59:44.473
Oh. Bye, Netta. Bye.
978
00:59:44.556 --> 00:59:47.350
Thanks, Grammy.
979
00:59:47.434 --> 00:59:49.853
Uh-- [Clears Throat]
980
00:59:49.936 --> 00:59:53.272
I found this, and I didn't know
if it was something interesting.
981
00:59:53.356 --> 00:59:56.775
- My-- This is Miles Davis!
- I was cleaning out the attic and--
982
00:59:56.858 --> 00:59:59.652
This is very hard to find
in good condition.
983
00:59:59.736 --> 01:00:04.156
- Hold on to this. This is incredible.
- Why don't you take it?
984
01:00:05.783 --> 01:00:08.910
- Huh?
- Take it.
985
01:00:08.994 --> 01:00:14.081
You're figuring out what kind of music
I like, finding me a rare album.
986
01:00:14.165 --> 01:00:17.042
You're not trying
to butter me up, are you?
987
01:00:17.125 --> 01:00:19.377
I was cleaning out the attic,
988
01:00:19.461 --> 01:00:23.172
not attempting the impossible.
989
01:00:23.214 --> 01:00:26.675
I smell trouble.
990
01:00:26.884 --> 01:00:30.262
[Car Radio] This is Cory Flemming,
and I'll be featuring the music...
991
01:00:30.345 --> 01:00:34.307
of Denise and Da Nephews,
tomorrow morning on "Wake up with--"
992
01:00:34.390 --> 01:00:36.308
[Turns Radio Off]
993
01:00:36.392 --> 01:00:38.852
[Ike]
What do we got here?
994
01:00:42.522 --> 01:00:44.857
[Maggie]
Come on, big guy.
995
01:00:44.940 --> 01:00:46.859
Oh, on our feet.
Here we go.
996
01:00:46.942 --> 01:00:49.694
Let's go, let's go,
big guy. Yeah.
997
01:00:49.778 --> 01:00:52.906
I haven't had any fun
since you got your driver's license.
998
01:00:52.989 --> 01:00:57.034
Let me give you a tip. I haven't
been having a whole lot of fun either.
999
01:00:58.452 --> 01:01:00.871
Steady.
1000
01:01:00.954 --> 01:01:03.706
- Good boy, Porthole.
- His name's Skipper, Dad.
1001
01:01:03.790 --> 01:01:06.208
- I changed it.
- Ah. Okay, step.
1002
01:01:06.250 --> 01:01:10.379
- [Groans] I'll be back later, Travis.
- [Scoffs]
1003
01:01:10.462 --> 01:01:13.173
- That guy Travis really has a problem.
- Mmm.
1004
01:01:13.256 --> 01:01:15.299
- I'll get--
- Here we are.
1005
01:01:15.383 --> 01:01:18.385
Okay. Steady.
1006
01:01:18.469 --> 01:01:20.846
You're gonna lean,
I'm gonna push.
1007
01:01:20.929 --> 01:01:23.723
Good daughters
let their fathers pass out.
1008
01:01:23.765 --> 01:01:26.726
Hey, Walter.
Right down there.
1009
01:01:26.767 --> 01:01:29.061
I, I-- Please, please
don't write anything--
1010
01:01:29.103 --> 01:01:32.105
Forget about it.
Don't even think about it.
1011
01:01:43.448 --> 01:01:47.410
I'm just so tired
of this whole scene.
1012
01:01:47.451 --> 01:01:51.705
Why don't you just let him
sleep it off here in the truck?
1013
01:01:51.747 --> 01:01:54.582
Come for a ride with me,
come back for him later.
1014
01:01:57.251 --> 01:01:59.169
Okay.
1015
01:02:05.133 --> 01:02:07.677
[Female Singer]
% Today %
1016
01:02:07.760 --> 01:02:11.847
% We took a walk up the street %
1017
01:02:11.930 --> 01:02:15.600
% We picked a flower
and climbed the hill %
1018
01:02:15.642 --> 01:02:19.103
[Maggie] He's been drinking more
and more since my mom passed away.
1019
01:02:19.186 --> 01:02:22.105
[Ike] That's when you quit school
to come back here?
1020
01:02:22.147 --> 01:02:25.984
Yeah. I had to come
run the store for my dad.
1021
01:02:26.067 --> 01:02:30.029
[Ike] My dad had
a small printing business.
1022
01:02:30.112 --> 01:02:33.281
He wanted me to become
a classical musician.
1023
01:02:33.323 --> 01:02:35.700
My mother wanted me
to be a novelist.
1024
01:02:37.410 --> 01:02:39.620
They were 0-for-two.
1025
01:02:42.748 --> 01:02:44.749
More?
1026
01:02:44.833 --> 01:02:49.128
So, l, uh--
I became a reporter.
1027
01:02:51.547 --> 01:02:54.174
Not quite a novelist.
But as we all know,
1028
01:02:54.257 --> 01:02:58.177
journalism is literature
in a hurry.
1029
01:03:01.096 --> 01:03:05.809
% I never saw blue
like that before %
1030
01:03:07.310 --> 01:03:10.271
% Across the sky %
1031
01:03:10.354 --> 01:03:12.314
[Ike]
What? What is this?
1032
01:03:12.398 --> 01:03:14.775
What kind of gas did you put
in here? Diesel?
1033
01:03:14.816 --> 01:03:18.236
I don't know.
The pump closest to the car.
1034
01:03:18.319 --> 01:03:20.238
- [Car Backfires]
- Whoa!
1035
01:03:21.822 --> 01:03:25.158
This car takes unleaded.
Your filter is clogged.
1036
01:03:25.242 --> 01:03:27.160
[Ike]
Can you fix it?
1037
01:03:27.243 --> 01:03:29.829
- I'm gonna need to get some tools.
- Oh, good.
1038
01:03:29.912 --> 01:03:31.831
Kind of isolated here.
1039
01:03:31.914 --> 01:03:34.625
Yeah, it's nice.
1040
01:03:34.708 --> 01:03:37.252
[Sighs]
1041
01:03:37.335 --> 01:03:40.546
Well, if there's one thing
us New Yorkers know how to do,
1042
01:03:40.630 --> 01:03:42.298
that's hail a cab.
1043
01:03:42.381 --> 01:03:44.800
If there's no cab, we walk.
1044
01:03:44.842 --> 01:03:48.928
Uh, well, if we saved
the battery here,
1045
01:03:49.012 --> 01:03:51.264
there's a place just down the way.
1046
01:03:51.347 --> 01:03:54.516
We country girls cut across the field.
It's quicker.
1047
01:04:00.063 --> 01:04:02.148
Oh, be careful of snakes.
1048
01:04:04.024 --> 01:04:06.360
- What?
- Snakes.
1049
01:04:06.443 --> 01:04:08.361
I don't like snakes.
1050
01:04:08.445 --> 01:04:11.072
Walk nice.
They won't get ya.
1051
01:04:13.240 --> 01:04:16.326
Come on, come on, come on!
1052
01:04:16.410 --> 01:04:19.704
What're you--
What're you doing? Snake dance?
1053
01:04:19.746 --> 01:04:22.873
I'm scaring the snakes.
1054
01:04:22.957 --> 01:04:27.210
- You're scaring me.
- [Chuckles] I'm scaring myself.
1055
01:04:29.587 --> 01:04:33.507
Do you think there's
one right person for everybody?
1056
01:04:33.591 --> 01:04:35.843
[Sighs]
No, but I think attraction...
1057
01:04:35.884 --> 01:04:39.888
is too often mistaken
for rightness.
1058
01:04:39.971 --> 01:04:43.474
Attraction is very misleading.
1059
01:04:43.557 --> 01:04:45.893
- Yes, it is.
- Yeah.
1060
01:04:45.934 --> 01:04:48.020
- And it doesn't mean anything.
- No.
1061
01:04:48.061 --> 01:04:52.273
No, no.
It doesn't mean anything. It means--
1062
01:05:01.364 --> 01:05:04.158
I, uh,
1063
01:05:04.242 --> 01:05:06.910
suddenly forgot
how to climb a fence.
1064
01:05:09.204 --> 01:05:12.081
- Tools.
- Tools. Yeah.
1065
01:05:21.256 --> 01:05:25.968
- Lionel, do you have tools?
- Hey, Maggie!
1066
01:05:26.051 --> 01:05:28.345
What're you gonna do?
Bust out of another wedding?
1067
01:05:28.428 --> 01:05:30.597
[Ike Laughs]
1068
01:05:30.680 --> 01:05:34.058
Sure are well-known around here.
1069
01:05:34.225 --> 01:05:37.228
[Ike]
No, Fish, it's almost done. I swear.
1070
01:05:37.311 --> 01:05:39.646
This story's taken
a very interesting turn.
1071
01:05:39.688 --> 01:05:42.524
I've got one more interview
to do in New York. I'll see you later.
1072
01:05:42.565 --> 01:05:45.234
[Male Singer]
% From my head to my heart %
1073
01:05:45.318 --> 01:05:49.321
% Can't seem to find a way
They're so far apart %
1074
01:05:49.404 --> 01:05:51.865
[Horns Honking]
1075
01:05:51.907 --> 01:05:55.284
You could've told me that
you were fiancé number three.
1076
01:05:55.368 --> 01:05:57.328
And end up in the papers?
1077
01:05:57.411 --> 01:06:00.997
I've been humiliated enough already
to last a lifetime. Thank you.
1078
01:06:01.081 --> 01:06:03.541
I was traveling around,
1079
01:06:03.583 --> 01:06:07.420
studying the reproductive
and migratory patterns of locusts...
1080
01:06:07.503 --> 01:06:09.421
when Maggie met me.
1081
01:06:09.505 --> 01:06:12.674
Tell me, George.
Why do you think she ran?
1082
01:06:12.716 --> 01:06:15.593
Just like you said.
What did you call her? A man-eater?
1083
01:06:15.676 --> 01:06:19.680
Devouring death goddess.
All right?
1084
01:06:19.763 --> 01:06:22.432
That's what I said.
I don't think that's why she ran.
1085
01:06:22.516 --> 01:06:23.933
Why do you think she ran?
1086
01:06:24.017 --> 01:06:26.519
I don't know. I'm working on it.
I was on the wrong track.
1087
01:06:26.602 --> 01:06:30.147
- Are you defending her?
- No, no.
1088
01:06:30.230 --> 01:06:34.359
I call it like I see it.
I'm a journalist. I'm a truth-teller.
1089
01:06:34.442 --> 01:06:36.611
- Unbelievable!
- What?
1090
01:06:36.694 --> 01:06:39.446
She got to you, too,
like a moth to a flame.
1091
01:06:39.530 --> 01:06:41.448
- Please!
-Join the club.
1092
01:06:41.532 --> 01:06:44.409
- What are you talking about?
- You need this much more than I do.
1093
01:06:44.451 --> 01:06:48.788
I am a journalist. I'm doing an article.
Look. See? I'm being paid.
1094
01:06:48.871 --> 01:06:54.000
This will be published. A cover story.
You'll get the all facts in the article.
1095
01:06:54.084 --> 01:06:57.045
Do you know what kind
of eggs she liked?
1096
01:06:57.128 --> 01:07:01.090
Poached, same as me.
1097
01:07:07.762 --> 01:07:09.889
[Car Alarm Beeping]
1098
01:07:09.972 --> 01:07:12.641
[Fisher] An over priced apartment
and Chinese take-out.
1099
01:07:12.724 --> 01:07:14.726
That's New York living.
1100
01:07:14.768 --> 01:07:16.853
Fisher, don't forget
the fortune cookies.
1101
01:07:16.936 --> 01:07:21.232
I already read the fortune.
You don't wanna know.
1102
01:07:21.315 --> 01:07:24.276
He makes me crazy.
1103
01:07:24.359 --> 01:07:27.445
Hostility is a very important part
of your foreplay, isn't it?
1104
01:07:27.528 --> 01:07:30.322
It takes three people
to make our marriage work:
1105
01:07:30.406 --> 01:07:32.241
him, me and our therapist.
1106
01:07:34.576 --> 01:07:37.537
[Laughs]
1107
01:07:37.620 --> 01:07:40.706
Ellie, what went wrong?
1108
01:07:40.790 --> 01:07:43.709
With us.
With the two of us, I mean.
1109
01:07:43.792 --> 01:07:49.297
I know it's been a long time.
Do you remember?
1110
01:07:49.380 --> 01:07:53.300
Yeah. Do I remember?
Of course I do.
1111
01:07:55.218 --> 01:07:58.471
Is that what--
Did I do the same--
1112
01:07:58.513 --> 01:08:02.558
Is that what happened?
Did I just... not see you?
1113
01:08:05.143 --> 01:08:08.938
No. No, you didn't.
1114
01:08:15.193 --> 01:08:17.153
I'm sorry.
1115
01:08:17.195 --> 01:08:19.656
I'm sorry, Ellie.
1116
01:08:19.697 --> 01:08:21.782
I'm sorry too, Ike.
1117
01:08:23.909 --> 01:08:27.537
Wow! That only took us
1 2 years to say.
1118
01:08:27.621 --> 01:08:30.540
Hey, I saw that, you cad.
1119
01:08:30.623 --> 01:08:33.626
You asked for it, you got it.
Here you go.
1120
01:08:33.709 --> 01:08:35.627
My dear.
1121
01:08:35.711 --> 01:08:38.171
Get your fortune.
Let me see what--
1122
01:08:38.255 --> 01:08:43.384
"Confucius say, man who leave wife alone
with ex-husband may leave altogether."
1123
01:08:43.467 --> 01:08:44.968
- [Laughing]
- Aha!
1124
01:08:45.219 --> 01:08:48.263
- Lights and everything.
- Hope it's better than last year.
1125
01:08:48.346 --> 01:08:50.390
[Woman Laughing]
Or the last ten years.
1126
01:08:50.473 --> 01:08:53.559
%[Drums Beating]
1127
01:08:53.642 --> 01:08:56.061
[Cheering, Whistling]
1128
01:09:01.983 --> 01:09:03.484
[Applauding]
1129
01:09:03.567 --> 01:09:07.195
Let's have a hand for
our fabulous hula dancers.
1130
01:09:07.237 --> 01:09:12.325
There they are.
King and Queen!
1131
01:09:12.408 --> 01:09:15.411
% [Hawaiian]
1132
01:09:15.494 --> 01:09:20.415
Walter, I'm thinking about
going back to my maiden name.
1133
01:09:20.498 --> 01:09:22.417
Can you still remember it?
1134
01:09:22.500 --> 01:09:26.003
What? It's nice, you know.
1135
01:09:26.045 --> 01:09:31.466
It's just I haven't seen him
in 24 hours, and I would...
1136
01:09:31.549 --> 01:09:35.511
feel better if
I knew where he was, you see.
1137
01:09:39.056 --> 01:09:41.766
[Mr. Trout]
Welcome to our annual luau.
1138
01:09:41.850 --> 01:09:44.769
- What can I get you?
- [Ike] Aloha, Mr. Trout.
1139
01:09:44.852 --> 01:09:49.356
Uh, you got something
without a toy in it?
1140
01:09:49.439 --> 01:09:51.816
% [Electric Guitar]
1141
01:09:51.900 --> 01:09:54.819
- [Man] Get down, Sprout.
- The next three.
1142
01:09:54.902 --> 01:09:56.862
Yeah.
1143
01:09:56.946 --> 01:10:00.240
Oh, I'm hearing it here.
1144
01:10:04.410 --> 01:10:06.328
Aloha!
1145
01:10:08.622 --> 01:10:11.082
It's a very fetching headdress
you're wearing.
1146
01:10:14.919 --> 01:10:19.089
Where did--
Where did you disappear to?
1147
01:10:19.173 --> 01:10:21.133
Missed me bad, huh?
1148
01:10:24.260 --> 01:10:26.387
[Betty Trout]
And we have a winner right here!
1149
01:10:26.470 --> 01:10:29.640
Yeah! All right, Bob!
1150
01:10:29.723 --> 01:10:33.184
Well, it's chow time
here on the islands,
1151
01:10:33.268 --> 01:10:37.563
and we Trouts have prepared
our traditional feast, Shrimp Trout.
1152
01:10:37.646 --> 01:10:39.940
So let's all meet at the tables.
1153
01:10:39.982 --> 01:10:42.150
You're not allergic
to shrimp, are you?
1154
01:10:42.234 --> 01:10:45.403
- Mmm, no.
- Pity.
1155
01:10:46.487 --> 01:10:49.031
[Banging]
1156
01:10:51.116 --> 01:10:54.577
Attention!
Pay attention to Walter.
1157
01:10:54.661 --> 01:10:57.580
- Listen closely. He slurs.
- [Laughing]
1158
01:10:57.663 --> 01:11:00.374
In the tradition...
1159
01:11:00.457 --> 01:11:03.918
that has grown over the years,
it is now toast time.
1160
01:11:03.960 --> 01:11:06.087
First up, our host,
1161
01:11:06.129 --> 01:11:08.839
Lou "A Honey of a Beekeeper" Trout.
1162
01:11:08.923 --> 01:11:11.258
[Applause]
1163
01:11:11.300 --> 01:11:13.301
[Whistles]
1164
01:11:13.343 --> 01:11:16.429
May the groom's heart
be filled with hope...
1165
01:11:16.512 --> 01:11:18.848
and the bride's feet
filled with lead.
1166
01:11:18.931 --> 01:11:22.267
[Crowd Laughing]
1167
01:11:22.309 --> 01:11:26.562
May the pitter-patter of little feet
not be Maggie's.
1168
01:11:26.646 --> 01:11:29.065
[Crowd Laughing]
1169
01:11:31.984 --> 01:11:36.571
- May the gifts be returnable.
- [Man] I took mine back.
1170
01:11:36.654 --> 01:11:40.324
You know the old saying,
"You're not losing a daughter"?
1171
01:11:40.366 --> 01:11:42.367
Well, I'd like to.
1172
01:11:42.451 --> 01:11:44.953
[Crowd Laughing]
1173
01:11:44.995 --> 01:11:48.331
[Walter]Maggie may not be
Hale's longest running joke,
1174
01:11:48.372 --> 01:11:52.084
- but she is certainly the fastest.
- [Mouthing Words]
1175
01:11:53.502 --> 01:11:55.545
Good one, Dad.
1176
01:11:55.629 --> 01:11:59.590
[Cindy] Walter, maybe
Mr. Graham will say something.
1177
01:11:59.674 --> 01:12:02.885
Ah, here we are. Would you like
to say something, Mr. Graham?
1178
01:12:02.968 --> 01:12:07.222
Yeah, just a minute.
I don't know yet. You okay?
1179
01:12:07.305 --> 01:12:11.142
Come on, Ike. Take a shot at Maggie
live. It's more fun than print.
1180
01:12:11.183 --> 01:12:13.769
Excuse me?
1181
01:12:13.852 --> 01:12:16.021
It's a joke.
They're kidding, Ike.
1182
01:12:16.062 --> 01:12:19.899
- Yeah, come on. Let's go.
- [Banging Cups]
1183
01:12:19.982 --> 01:12:23.235
- [Banging Continues]
- All right. We'll have a toast!
1184
01:12:23.318 --> 01:12:26.821
[All Shouting Agreement]
1185
01:12:26.905 --> 01:12:29.365
To Maggie's family and friends.
1186
01:12:29.407 --> 01:12:33.160
May you find yourselves...
1187
01:12:33.202 --> 01:12:35.746
the bull's-eye of an easy target.
1188
01:12:37.580 --> 01:12:43.168
May you be publicly flogged
for all of your bad choices,
1189
01:12:43.252 --> 01:12:47.547
and may your noses be rubbed
in all of your mistakes.
1190
01:12:52.760 --> 01:12:55.721
Well, that was funny,
but enough toasting. Let's hula!
1191
01:12:55.762 --> 01:13:01.184
Everybody!
Let's get up and start the band!
1192
01:13:01.225 --> 01:13:03.769
We're gonna make a line
right down here.
1193
01:13:03.852 --> 01:13:06.438
Maggie. Maggie?
1194
01:13:06.521 --> 01:13:09.149
[Betty Trout]
Lou, where are those hula dancers?
1195
01:13:09.232 --> 01:13:12.026
Here. She might need this.
1196
01:13:12.151 --> 01:13:13.611
Where'd Maggie go to?
1197
01:13:13.652 --> 01:13:15.654
She went to get me something
from her car.
1198
01:13:15.737 --> 01:13:18.740
- Maybe she needs help.
- B-B-B-Bob. Okay.
1199
01:13:18.823 --> 01:13:20.950
The guard, who threw the block?
Forrest Gregg.
1200
01:13:21.034 --> 01:13:22.368
No, Elijah Pitts.
1201
01:13:22.451 --> 01:13:24.620
- He's a running back.
- The Fridge. Refrigerator Perry?
1202
01:13:26.330 --> 01:13:28.790
Maggie?
1203
01:13:28.832 --> 01:13:32.293
Hey. Here's a coat.
1204
01:13:32.376 --> 01:13:35.629
- Put this coat on. It's cold.
- Don't pretend to be a nice person.
1205
01:13:35.713 --> 01:13:38.465
I was the only person
in there defending you.
1206
01:13:38.548 --> 01:13:40.133
You humiliated me!
1207
01:13:40.175 --> 01:13:44.929
No, Maggie, I defended you. Humiliating
you is what everyone else did in there.
1208
01:13:45.012 --> 01:13:48.015
- That is the theme of the party tonight.
- No. It was under control.
1209
01:13:48.098 --> 01:13:50.392
Now they all feel sorry for me.
1210
01:13:50.475 --> 01:13:52.810
They should. They're about
to see you hang yourself again.
1211
01:13:52.852 --> 01:13:54.353
What do you keep--
1212
01:13:54.437 --> 01:13:57.773
Tell me something.
Do you really care about Mount Everest?
1213
01:13:57.856 --> 01:14:01.484
It's fun. It's high.
1214
01:14:01.526 --> 01:14:03.611
Sexual practices of locusts?
1215
01:14:03.694 --> 01:14:08.657
[Maggie]Every one of those times
I was being supportive.
1216
01:14:08.740 --> 01:14:12.035
Not supportive!
You weren't being supportive!
1217
01:14:12.118 --> 01:14:16.497
You were scared!
You were scared then, you're scared now.
1218
01:14:16.538 --> 01:14:18.832
You are the most lost woman--
1219
01:14:18.874 --> 01:14:21.626
- Lost?
- Yes, lost. You're so--
1220
01:14:21.709 --> 01:14:25.171
You're so lost, you don't even know
what kind of eggs you like.
1221
01:14:26.505 --> 01:14:29.007
- Yes. Yes!
- What?
1222
01:14:29.091 --> 01:14:31.259
That's right. With the priest,
you wanted scrambled.
1223
01:14:31.343 --> 01:14:33.261
With the Dead Head,
it was fried.
1224
01:14:33.344 --> 01:14:36.013
With the bug guy,
it was poached.
1225
01:14:36.055 --> 01:14:39.683
Now it's like, "Oh, egg whites only.
Thank you very much."
1226
01:14:39.766 --> 01:14:42.769
That is called
changing your mind.
1227
01:14:42.852 --> 01:14:45.521
No, that's called
not having a mind of your own.
1228
01:14:45.563 --> 01:14:47.648
Maggie, what are you doing?
1229
01:14:47.731 --> 01:14:49.733
You really want that guy up there
to drag you...
1230
01:14:49.816 --> 01:14:53.027
up Annapurna for your honeymoon?
1231
01:14:53.069 --> 01:14:55.738
You do not wanna climb
Annapurna!
1232
01:14:55.821 --> 01:14:57.907
Yes, I do!
1233
01:14:59.408 --> 01:15:02.118
[Sighs]
1234
01:15:02.202 --> 01:15:04.162
No, you don't.
1235
01:15:05.663 --> 01:15:10.209
You want a man who'll
lead you down the beach...
1236
01:15:10.292 --> 01:15:12.586
with his hand over your eyes...
1237
01:15:12.669 --> 01:15:16.380
just so you can discover
the feel of sand under your feet.
1238
01:15:17.673 --> 01:15:21.134
You want a guy that'll
wake you up at dawn.
1239
01:15:23.303 --> 01:15:25.722
He's just bursting to talk to you.
Can't wait another minute...
1240
01:15:25.763 --> 01:15:28.891
just to find out
what you'll say.
1241
01:15:33.937 --> 01:15:35.855
Am I right?
1242
01:15:41.944 --> 01:15:44.070
Stop it.
1243
01:15:45.947 --> 01:15:50.075
I'm getting married on Sunday.
1244
01:15:50.159 --> 01:15:52.911
And you are just trying
to make me run.
1245
01:15:54.537 --> 01:15:59.166
Because you're
a cynical, exploitive,
1246
01:15:59.250 --> 01:16:01.668
mean-hearted creep...
1247
01:16:01.752 --> 01:16:04.921
who wouldn't know real love
if it bit him in the armpit.
1248
01:16:05.005 --> 01:16:10.301
All you do is...
is tear others down,
1249
01:16:10.384 --> 01:16:13.595
and laugh at them
and criticize what they do...
1250
01:16:13.678 --> 01:16:17.348
because you're too afraid
to do anything yourself.
1251
01:16:18.933 --> 01:16:21.769
I read your columns.
1252
01:16:21.810 --> 01:16:26.314
You never once wrote
anything about yourself.
1253
01:16:28.441 --> 01:16:32.152
I am not the only one
that is lost.
1254
01:16:33.487 --> 01:16:35.405
And you know it.
1255
01:16:37.782 --> 01:16:39.700
Am I right?
1256
01:16:42.494 --> 01:16:45.747
Am I right?
1257
01:16:47.916 --> 01:16:50.751
[Bob]
Mag?
1258
01:16:50.835 --> 01:16:53.629
Hey, help me out here.
1259
01:16:53.670 --> 01:16:56.047
Green Bay right guard.
1260
01:16:56.131 --> 01:16:59.133
Uh, you know,
Bart Starr, uh--
1261
01:17:01.093 --> 01:17:03.303
- You okay?
- Yes.
1262
01:17:05.013 --> 01:17:08.474
-%[Drums Beating]
- [Clears Throat]
1263
01:17:08.558 --> 01:17:11.310
- I'll take you inside. Okay?
- Uh-huh.
1264
01:17:11.394 --> 01:17:13.479
Okay.
1265
01:17:14.855 --> 01:17:17.315
[Maggie]
Jerry Kramer.
1266
01:17:17.399 --> 01:17:22.153
Jerry Kramer!
I started on the Ice Bowl story.
1267
01:17:22.194 --> 01:17:27.324
%[Drumming Continues]
1268
01:17:27.532 --> 01:17:29.784
Hey, Grandma.
1269
01:17:29.867 --> 01:17:31.994
- What's for lunch?
- Turkey and cheese.
1270
01:17:32.036 --> 01:17:33.871
Honey, your grandmother and l...
1271
01:17:33.954 --> 01:17:36.081
are thinking about having
a wedding gift museum.
1272
01:17:36.164 --> 01:17:38.500
[Chuckles]
1273
01:17:38.583 --> 01:17:41.544
- Stop.
- What?
1274
01:17:41.627 --> 01:17:44.463
Stop. Don't say
another word like that.
1275
01:17:44.546 --> 01:17:46.465
- Maggie, it was just a joke.
- No!
1276
01:17:46.548 --> 01:17:49.968
It's humiliating,
and it's gone on long enough.
1277
01:17:50.051 --> 01:17:54.555
You may not like that
you have a daughter with problems.
1278
01:17:54.638 --> 01:17:57.557
But guess what.
1279
01:17:57.641 --> 01:18:01.144
I don't like that I have a father
who's drunk all the time.
1280
01:18:03.521 --> 01:18:05.522
I'll eat in my room.
1281
01:18:09.776 --> 01:18:12.403
[Cindy] Tell me why Maggie's
having another rehearsal,
1282
01:18:12.487 --> 01:18:14.113
and two days before the wedding.
1283
01:18:14.196 --> 01:18:15.864
She's already done this.
1284
01:18:15.906 --> 01:18:19.201
[Peggy] Well, Bob insisted
she visualize the ceremony.
1285
01:18:19.242 --> 01:18:23.996
Okay, we're ready.
You want me to have Ike leave now?
1286
01:18:24.080 --> 01:18:26.707
Actually,
let's make Ike the pastor.
1287
01:18:26.790 --> 01:18:28.291
Uh, I'd rather not.
1288
01:18:28.375 --> 01:18:31.377
No, it'll give you a great view.
I think it's perfect.
1289
01:18:31.461 --> 01:18:34.130
- Hey.
- Okay.
1290
01:18:34.213 --> 01:18:37.049
Team effort, Pastor Ike.
1291
01:18:37.132 --> 01:18:40.176
- He's gonna be the pastor?
- Yes. Yes.
1292
01:18:40.260 --> 01:18:45.097
Because I want him front and center
so he can just see everything.
1293
01:18:45.181 --> 01:18:47.933
- Right up there. That's it.
- Okay.
1294
01:18:48.016 --> 01:18:50.894
- Cindy, foyer.
- Okay.
1295
01:18:50.977 --> 01:18:54.230
[Exhales]
1296
01:18:54.272 --> 01:18:56.232
Ready?
1297
01:18:56.273 --> 01:18:59.276
What happened at the luau?
1298
01:18:59.318 --> 01:19:04.405
I-- I don't-- I don't wanna
talk about the luau, okay?
1299
01:19:04.489 --> 01:19:07.950
- What is this?
- It's for the bell.
1300
01:19:08.033 --> 01:19:10.243
- Bob's in a hurry.
- Oh.
1301
01:19:10.285 --> 01:19:13.913
- [Bob] Girls!
- Okay, Maggie, remember what Bob said.
1302
01:19:13.997 --> 01:19:16.123
- Let us visualize. Be the ball.
- Sink the putt.
1303
01:19:16.207 --> 01:19:18.751
- Make the shot.
- Nothin' but net.
1304
01:19:18.834 --> 01:19:20.877
- Never say die.
- Move your butts.
1305
01:19:20.961 --> 01:19:25.882
- [Bob] Girls, where are you?
- On our way, Coach.
1306
01:19:25.965 --> 01:19:27.925
[Sighs]
1307
01:19:27.967 --> 01:19:30.677
The bell. Ooh.
1308
01:19:30.761 --> 01:19:33.972
- [Bell Ringing]
- Whoa!
1309
01:19:34.055 --> 01:19:39.059
- [Ringing Continues]
- [Maggie Yelling]
1310
01:19:39.143 --> 01:19:42.479
Ooh. Agh!
1311
01:19:44.147 --> 01:19:45.440
What's she doing?
1312
01:19:45.523 --> 01:19:48.400
She's being the bell
instead of the ball.
1313
01:19:50.319 --> 01:19:53.947
Sanctuary. Sanctuary.
1314
01:19:53.988 --> 01:19:56.407
Mags, you okay?
1315
01:20:01.328 --> 01:20:03.288
Anyway--
1316
01:20:04.122 --> 01:20:06.290
Oh.
[Sniffs]
1317
01:20:08.042 --> 01:20:12.337
%[Organ, "The Wedding March"]
1318
01:20:21.345 --> 01:20:25.598
At this pace,
this could become an evening wedding.
1319
01:20:25.682 --> 01:20:28.893
Okay, okay.
You know something? It's great.
1320
01:20:28.976 --> 01:20:32.938
I think we're taking this a little
too fast. You're tensing. You feel it?
1321
01:20:33.021 --> 01:20:35.148
Right?
1322
01:20:35.231 --> 01:20:38.484
We just need to limber you up
for a second. Ike, come here.
1323
01:20:38.568 --> 01:20:42.070
You're me. Stand here so
she knows how far she's gotta come.
1324
01:20:42.154 --> 01:20:45.156
Honey, I'm gonna walk
with you. Okay?
1325
01:20:45.240 --> 01:20:48.618
Now he's the groom?
1326
01:20:48.701 --> 01:20:50.870
Just relax.
Remember, visualize.
1327
01:20:50.953 --> 01:20:53.455
Visualize.
Relax. Limber.
1328
01:21:00.127 --> 01:21:02.504
You are the football,
spiraling through the air...
1329
01:21:02.546 --> 01:21:06.800
-%[Organ Continues]
- into the waiting hands of the groom.
1330
01:21:06.883 --> 01:21:10.970
I'm spiraling
through the air.
1331
01:21:11.053 --> 01:21:13.055
I am...
1332
01:21:14.556 --> 01:21:17.725
streaking...
1333
01:21:17.809 --> 01:21:21.979
toward the... goal line.
1334
01:21:27.650 --> 01:21:30.820
[Bob]
Keep eye contact. Keep eye contact.
1335
01:21:30.903 --> 01:21:32.821
And I land on the goal line.
1336
01:21:32.905 --> 01:21:35.699
[Bob]
Good. Good.
1337
01:21:35.782 --> 01:21:38.451
Okay, I'm the pastor
and I say, "Dearly beloved,
1338
01:21:38.535 --> 01:21:40.786
"we're gathered here,
blah, blah, blah, blah,
1339
01:21:40.870 --> 01:21:42.955
"so on and so forth,
rat-a-tat-tat, yabba-dabba.
1340
01:21:43.038 --> 01:21:45.290
I now pronounce you man and wife."
1341
01:21:45.374 --> 01:21:47.751
Kiss the bride.
We have the organ crescendo.
1342
01:21:47.834 --> 01:21:51.087
That just leads us
right on down the aisle.
1343
01:21:51.170 --> 01:21:53.756
And we are man and--
1344
01:22:07.058 --> 01:22:09.310
% [Organ Stops]
1345
01:22:09.394 --> 01:22:11.979
No!
1346
01:22:12.063 --> 01:22:14.606
Maggie?
1347
01:22:14.690 --> 01:22:16.692
Uh, Mag--
1348
01:22:19.903 --> 01:22:22.154
[Laughs]
1349
01:22:22.196 --> 01:22:24.156
Okay, okay, okay.
1350
01:22:24.198 --> 01:22:27.367
So if you were imagining me,
y-you did great.
1351
01:22:27.451 --> 01:22:29.285
What the hell were you doing?
1352
01:22:29.369 --> 01:22:32.079
Bob, I'm really sorry.
She... kissed me back.
1353
01:22:32.163 --> 01:22:35.207
- I kissed you back?
- Yes, you did. You kissed me back.
1354
01:22:35.291 --> 01:22:37.417
Yeah, caught that.
1355
01:22:37.501 --> 01:22:40.295
You wanna tell me how long
this has been goin' on?
1356
01:22:40.378 --> 01:22:44.548
- About a minute.
- Longer for me.
1357
01:22:44.632 --> 01:22:46.592
Really?
1358
01:22:46.675 --> 01:22:49.636
What do you expect me
to say to this?
1359
01:22:49.719 --> 01:22:52.930
- Hello.
- Well, Bob, you could say,
1360
01:22:53.014 --> 01:22:55.891
"Well, I hope you two
will be really happy together."
1361
01:22:58.477 --> 01:23:01.980
I hope you two will be
really happy together.
1362
01:23:03.606 --> 01:23:06.525
- [Groaning]
- Uh, take care of him.
1363
01:23:06.567 --> 01:23:09.111
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1364
01:23:12.322 --> 01:23:15.950
Bob! Bob!
1365
01:23:16.033 --> 01:23:18.535
Bob, I'm sorry. I-I'm--
1366
01:23:18.619 --> 01:23:22.580
At least this time I backed out
before the wedding. That's progress.
1367
01:23:22.664 --> 01:23:24.749
You are gonna find some woman...
1368
01:23:24.832 --> 01:23:28.627
who can make you so much happier
than I ever could.
1369
01:23:28.710 --> 01:23:31.713
- Look out!
- Ooh, see?
1370
01:23:31.796 --> 01:23:33.756
See? It's happening already.
1371
01:23:33.840 --> 01:23:35.841
- She's good with needy men.
- Yeah.
1372
01:23:35.925 --> 01:23:38.677
Uh, yeah.
1373
01:23:38.760 --> 01:23:43.014
- Well, um... why don't you...
- Yeah.
1374
01:23:43.097 --> 01:23:46.684
- just call me later.
- Okay.
1375
01:23:46.767 --> 01:23:50.270
Bob, this may not be a good time,
but here's my number.
1376
01:23:50.354 --> 01:23:54.899
[Cindy]
Drive safely, Bob!
1377
01:23:54.941 --> 01:23:57.693
Kid wants to lock up, go home.
1378
01:23:57.776 --> 01:24:00.112
[Car Driving Away]
1379
01:24:00.153 --> 01:24:02.822
- How's Bob?
- Mmm.
1380
01:24:02.906 --> 01:24:06.617
- Okay.
- [Tires Screeching]
1381
01:24:06.701 --> 01:24:09.161
So, what just happened just now?
1382
01:24:09.244 --> 01:24:12.622
- Then... in there?
- I don't know. I, I, I--
1383
01:24:12.706 --> 01:24:16.751
Frankly, I don't even
want to talk about it.
1384
01:24:16.834 --> 01:24:18.794
Me neither.
1385
01:24:23.631 --> 01:24:25.800
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
1386
01:24:25.883 --> 01:24:30.220
- No, no, no. No, wait. Stop.
- Mmm? Mmm?
1387
01:24:30.304 --> 01:24:33.056
No, no, no, no.
We gotta-- We have to talk.
1388
01:24:33.139 --> 01:24:37.101
We have to talk. We have to do
some talking now, all right?
1389
01:24:37.143 --> 01:24:40.312
Just-- Come over here.
Pull up a--
1390
01:24:40.396 --> 01:24:43.398
- Pull up a rail.
- I was enjoying the-- Okay.
1391
01:24:43.481 --> 01:24:47.944
All right. Just give me
a little space here.
1392
01:24:47.985 --> 01:24:49.320
Okay.
1393
01:24:51.113 --> 01:24:53.031
All right.
[Sighs]
1394
01:24:57.452 --> 01:24:59.912
Do you think may--
1395
01:25:02.372 --> 01:25:05.166
Well, you do have a dress.
1396
01:25:06.918 --> 01:25:09.045
And the church.
1397
01:25:09.128 --> 01:25:11.338
And the wedding date.
1398
01:25:11.422 --> 01:25:14.257
Then there's the two of us.
1399
01:25:15.258 --> 01:25:17.844
Maybe--
1400
01:25:21.263 --> 01:25:25.892
You do have to go down the aisle
with somebody...
1401
01:25:25.975 --> 01:25:28.436
that you love,
1402
01:25:28.519 --> 01:25:31.605
- and who loves you back.
- Who?
1403
01:25:49.370 --> 01:25:51.455
I'm okay with that.
1404
01:25:55.250 --> 01:25:57.335
So am l.
1405
01:26:00.546 --> 01:26:03.298
[Laughs]
1406
01:26:05.759 --> 01:26:08.219
I'm getting married.
1407
01:26:18.394 --> 01:26:20.188
Do you do this often?
1408
01:26:20.271 --> 01:26:23.315
Well, there's not a lot
to do around here.
1409
01:26:23.399 --> 01:26:26.568
I just believe
he's listening to you.
1410
01:26:26.651 --> 01:26:29.487
His hair, any color.
1411
01:26:29.571 --> 01:26:31.614
I like his tight butt.
1412
01:26:31.697 --> 01:26:35.200
- Grandma.
- Well, I do!
1413
01:26:35.284 --> 01:26:38.244
I'll see you at the wedding. Right?
You're gonna be there, huh?
1414
01:26:38.328 --> 01:26:42.081
- Thirty-seven hours.
- I didn't miss the first one.
1415
01:26:42.164 --> 01:26:45.667
We're gonna spend part of the time here
in town 'cause he wants to write a book.
1416
01:26:45.751 --> 01:26:47.961
You always wanted
to write a novel.
1417
01:26:48.044 --> 01:26:51.798
I feel inspired here.
I feel like I can write. I wanna write.
1418
01:26:51.881 --> 01:26:54.383
Ike is getting married.
1419
01:26:54.425 --> 01:26:57.594
Hah! Ooh! Ooh!
1420
01:26:57.677 --> 01:27:00.013
Fisher, if you pee on the Persian,
I'm gonna kill you.
1421
01:27:00.096 --> 01:27:03.099
Hi. It's him.
He's on the phone.
1422
01:27:08.061 --> 01:27:11.606
- Hi. [Laughs]
- Hi.
1423
01:27:11.689 --> 01:27:14.275
- What are you doin'?
- Nothin'.
1424
01:27:14.358 --> 01:27:15.943
Pick that up.
1425
01:27:16.026 --> 01:27:17.944
- [Ike] What are you doing?
- It's all right.
1426
01:27:18.028 --> 01:27:22.156
- Nothin'.
- Wow. I see the most beautiful girl.
1427
01:27:22.240 --> 01:27:25.951
[Whispers]
He can see me.
1428
01:27:26.035 --> 01:27:28.453
Bet's up!
1429
01:27:28.537 --> 01:27:30.580
Aah! Double jack!
1430
01:27:30.663 --> 01:27:35.209
You were trying to cheat!
It doesn't work!
1431
01:27:35.292 --> 01:27:40.755
[Female Singers] % Get to me
magically sure as the sky is blue %
1432
01:27:40.797 --> 01:27:43.091
Ah. Oh, my God.
[Screams]
1433
01:27:43.174 --> 01:27:46.343
I'm the winner!
[Laughing]
1434
01:27:46.427 --> 01:27:48.595
Now, this is
a mature relationship.
1435
01:27:48.679 --> 01:27:52.640
% Acting erratically
Need you fanatically %
1436
01:27:52.682 --> 01:27:58.478
% You get to me magically
sure as the sky is blue %
1437
01:28:00.063 --> 01:28:04.525
% Baby, I love you %
1438
01:28:04.609 --> 01:28:07.444
% Do you love me too %
1439
01:28:09.154 --> 01:28:12.490
% Baby, I love you %
1440
01:28:12.574 --> 01:28:14.492
[Church Bells Ringing]
1441
01:28:14.575 --> 01:28:18.412
[Reporter Dina] Wedding bells
are ringing today in Hale, Maryland.
1442
01:28:18.495 --> 01:28:22.707
Maggie Carpenter, always a bride,
never a bridesmaid, is attempting...
1443
01:28:22.791 --> 01:28:25.084
to complete
her fourth wedding ceremony.
1444
01:28:25.168 --> 01:28:28.003
We'll be back when results are in.
Back to you, Jessica.
1445
01:28:28.045 --> 01:28:30.213
The turnout for this morning's
ceremony is...
1446
01:28:30.297 --> 01:28:32.424
usually saved
for royalty or movie stars,
1447
01:28:32.507 --> 01:28:35.384
but Maggie Carpenter
is Hale, Maryland's very own star.
1448
01:28:35.468 --> 01:28:37.761
T-shirts here.
I got, "Bye, Bye, Bride-ee."
1449
01:28:37.845 --> 01:28:40.180
I got, "What Part of 'l Do'
Don't You Understand?"
1450
01:28:40.264 --> 01:28:42.891
Get your "Runaway Bride"
T-shirts here.
1451
01:28:42.974 --> 01:28:44.475
Will she or won't she?
1452
01:28:44.517 --> 01:28:47.019
That is on the minds of several
hundred folks standing here,
1453
01:28:47.061 --> 01:28:51.189
not to mention on the mind of groom
number four, who is missing in action.
1454
01:28:51.273 --> 01:28:54.192
- He's gonna stand me up.
- Of course he's gonna come,
1455
01:28:54.275 --> 01:28:57.945
because today I saw
eight geese flying in a "V"
1456
01:28:58.028 --> 01:29:00.072
You with the lucky geese!
You always see geese!
1457
01:29:00.155 --> 01:29:01.323
Not eight!
1458
01:29:01.365 --> 01:29:04.325
- And in a "V"
- Eight is better?
1459
01:29:04.367 --> 01:29:08.204
- Eight in a "V" Can you imagine?
- "V" "V" for, uh--
1460
01:29:08.287 --> 01:29:11.415
- Victory? Victory!
- Great!
1461
01:29:11.498 --> 01:29:14.125
- And... Velcro?
- Okay.
1462
01:29:14.209 --> 01:29:16.044
Velcro! Stick together!
1463
01:29:16.127 --> 01:29:20.047
- Virginal.
- No, no.
1464
01:29:20.130 --> 01:29:23.467
I-I'm sweaty, I'm nervous.
Where are my bags?
1465
01:29:23.633 --> 01:29:25.760
- Okay. No.
- No bags. Bags are for later.
1466
01:29:25.844 --> 01:29:29.638
- Rub your ears.
- Rub your ears. That's a great idea.
1467
01:29:29.722 --> 01:29:34.434
That's a very good idea. Rub your ears.
Cory does that to me sometimes.
1468
01:29:34.476 --> 01:29:38.437
- A little "ooo," and you just "whoo."
- We do it to the dog.
1469
01:29:38.479 --> 01:29:40.814
[Vendor]
Get your "I don't think she will" shirt.
1470
01:29:40.898 --> 01:29:43.650
These shirts are not sold in stores.
1471
01:29:43.734 --> 01:29:46.277
[Excited Chattering]
1472
01:29:46.319 --> 01:29:49.655
- Here comes Ike Graham!
- Show time.
1473
01:29:51.990 --> 01:29:55.493
That's better.
It's pretty nice, actually.
1474
01:29:55.577 --> 01:29:57.954
- Yeah, it's nice.
- He's here!
1475
01:29:57.995 --> 01:30:01.540
[Screams]
Oh, the ear! Ahh! I see him!
1476
01:30:01.624 --> 01:30:03.959
Ike Graham has arrived at church.
1477
01:30:04.001 --> 01:30:06.169
[Excited Chattering]
1478
01:30:06.252 --> 01:30:08.296
- Is this your first marriage?
- Is this your last marriage?
1479
01:30:08.379 --> 01:30:10.381
[Male Reporter]
Any little Grahams in the future?
1480
01:30:10.464 --> 01:30:12.299
[Cory] Oh, he gets whacked!
1481
01:30:12.341 --> 01:30:15.260
- All right, okay.
- This is such a good sign.
1482
01:30:15.343 --> 01:30:17.095
All right! Okay!
1483
01:30:17.178 --> 01:30:19.472
Get this--
Who makes this stuff?
1484
01:30:19.514 --> 01:30:23.350
- The veil is not attacking you.
- Okay, okay.
1485
01:30:23.434 --> 01:30:28.062
- Now is the time to calm down.
- Yes, okay.
1486
01:30:28.146 --> 01:30:32.149
Cause if you don't get calm,
we won't get your dress on.
1487
01:30:32.191 --> 01:30:34.860
A girl can't get married in flannel.
1488
01:30:37.112 --> 01:30:41.240
He's the one.
He really is the one.
1489
01:30:41.324 --> 01:30:44.368
- [Excited Chattering]
- You're not invited.
1490
01:30:44.451 --> 01:30:46.578
Go back to New York.
Get outta here.
1491
01:30:46.661 --> 01:30:49.414
- He's the one!
- [Excited Giggling]
1492
01:30:49.497 --> 01:30:50.832
He's the one!
1493
01:30:50.873 --> 01:30:53.417
We gotta hurry 'cause
the Sunday school kids are coming.
1494
01:30:53.500 --> 01:30:55.460
- Mrs. Pressman.
- There's no microphone.
1495
01:30:55.544 --> 01:30:59.505
- Please, put it there. No, no fun.
- You're no fun.
1496
01:30:59.547 --> 01:31:01.507
I was gonna do
this Scorsese thing--
1497
01:31:01.549 --> 01:31:04.343
- Whatever. Just do it. Shoot, shoot.
- Ike.
1498
01:31:04.385 --> 01:31:08.471
Friends! Oh, God!
1499
01:31:08.555 --> 01:31:11.182
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
1500
01:31:11.224 --> 01:31:15.727
- Thank you. We are friends, aren't we?
- Of course we are.
1501
01:31:15.811 --> 01:31:18.605
- You'll be my best man.
- Good, but I'm not sure I'm the best.
1502
01:31:18.688 --> 01:31:20.857
Go see the pastor.
He'll tell you what to do.
1503
01:31:20.898 --> 01:31:21.899
All right.
1504
01:31:21.983 --> 01:31:24.652
If someone will tell me
what to do.
1505
01:31:24.735 --> 01:31:26.820
Mmm. You always
looked great in that suit.
1506
01:31:26.903 --> 01:31:29.364
And, Ike?
1507
01:31:29.406 --> 01:31:32.074
I'm happy for you, honey.
1508
01:31:32.158 --> 01:31:36.036
I have a car out back for you
in case she decides to run.
1509
01:31:37.287 --> 01:31:40.123
I have an invitation.
Lou! He's with me.
1510
01:31:44.960 --> 01:31:46.920
You look terrible.
1511
01:31:47.004 --> 01:31:50.090
Thanks.
1512
01:31:50.173 --> 01:31:52.425
Here.
1513
01:31:52.467 --> 01:31:55.886
- Ike, I'm glad it's you.
- Really?
1514
01:31:55.928 --> 01:31:57.930
I wouldn't want to have
found out...
1515
01:31:58.013 --> 01:32:00.432
I wasn't the one
for her in the fourth quarter.
1516
01:32:03.267 --> 01:32:06.520
Well, Coach,
any final advice?
1517
01:32:07.563 --> 01:32:10.065
Maintain eye contact.
1518
01:32:10.106 --> 01:32:14.360
Eye contact.
Eye contact. Eye contact.
1519
01:32:30.081 --> 01:32:32.000
[Whispering]
What have you got going on here?
1520
01:32:32.083 --> 01:32:35.378
You wanna look just special
for the wedding.
1521
01:32:35.461 --> 01:32:39.089
You should thank me and Lou for
lending you the wedding car. '63 Buick.
1522
01:32:39.172 --> 01:32:40.674
Thank you, Mrs. Trout.
1523
01:32:40.757 --> 01:32:43.134
What are you saying?
We're practically family.
1524
01:32:43.218 --> 01:32:46.929
- How's that there?
- My name is Fisher. What's yours?
1525
01:32:46.971 --> 01:32:50.307
Nice. Betty.
That doesn't want to come out, does it?
1526
01:32:50.390 --> 01:32:52.767
- You just pulled a hair from my neck.
- There we are.
1527
01:32:52.809 --> 01:32:55.853
-Mrs. Trout, please. This is my wedding.
-Yes.
1528
01:32:55.937 --> 01:32:57.855
Sit down. Thank you.
We're starting soon.
1529
01:32:57.938 --> 01:33:00.607
- Who was that?
- Mrs. Trout.
1530
01:33:00.649 --> 01:33:02.692
- He doesn't have a--
- Don't do-- Don't.
1531
01:33:02.776 --> 01:33:05.695
I just want that to be able to--
Fold it in the pocket.
1532
01:33:05.778 --> 01:33:10.115
- Right in the pocket.
- Please! Just go-- [Sighs]
1533
01:33:10.157 --> 01:33:14.285
- Good luck, sweet girl.
- Oh, thank you, Grandma. I love you.
1534
01:33:14.327 --> 01:33:18.122
- I'm really rooting for this one.
- Okay, Dad.
1535
01:33:18.164 --> 01:33:20.582
[Cory]
The place is packed...
1536
01:33:20.666 --> 01:33:22.918
with the whole town of Hale
on the bride's side,
1537
01:33:23.001 --> 01:33:27.421
and with many
New Yorkers on the groom's side.
1538
01:33:27.505 --> 01:33:30.466
- Is this taken?
- No.
1539
01:33:30.549 --> 01:33:33.009
I'm Elaine from Manhattan.
1540
01:33:33.051 --> 01:33:35.720
- I'm Bob, Maggie's fourth attempt.
- I'm sorry.
1541
01:33:35.803 --> 01:33:39.556
That's okay.
There's a lid for every pot.
1542
01:33:39.640 --> 01:33:43.018
And I'm comfortable with Ike.
1543
01:33:43.059 --> 01:33:47.813
It's like Jack Dempsey lost
his heavyweight title to a New Yorker.
1544
01:33:47.855 --> 01:33:51.150
Right. Gene Tunney.
1545
01:33:52.526 --> 01:33:54.486
- Whoa.
- Spit!
1546
01:33:55.862 --> 01:33:57.780
Let's go.
1547
01:33:59.240 --> 01:34:03.368
Uh, okay. No sauntering down the aisle.
I don't like that.
1548
01:34:03.452 --> 01:34:06.412
- Make time. Just get there. Just go.
- Fine.
1549
01:34:06.496 --> 01:34:08.789
% [Organ]
1550
01:34:19.715 --> 01:34:21.717
All rise, please.
1551
01:34:27.055 --> 01:34:29.890
% ["The Wedding March"]
1552
01:34:38.689 --> 01:34:40.733
The bride is walking
down the aisle.
1553
01:34:40.816 --> 01:34:44.236
Maggie Carpenter
is walking down the aisle.
1554
01:34:44.319 --> 01:34:47.280
[Crowd Gasping]
1555
01:34:48.906 --> 01:34:52.701
- Oh, she's pausing.
- Stay with me.
1556
01:34:52.743 --> 01:34:54.703
[Bob]
Keep eye contact.
1557
01:34:54.745 --> 01:34:56.913
[Relieved Chuckling]
1558
01:35:05.796 --> 01:35:08.590
[Pastor]
Please be seated. Thank you.
1559
01:35:08.673 --> 01:35:11.008
I sneaked in a camera.
1560
01:35:11.092 --> 01:35:13.927
We are gathered here today--
1561
01:35:14.011 --> 01:35:15.262
Please, no cameras.
1562
01:35:15.345 --> 01:35:19.390
Could we hold off photos
until the end of the ceremony?
1563
01:35:19.432 --> 01:35:20.850
Thank you.
1564
01:35:22.101 --> 01:35:24.144
No.
1565
01:35:24.228 --> 01:35:27.772
- [Pastor] Where's she going?
- [Ike] Don't.
1566
01:35:27.856 --> 01:35:31.776
- Maggie!
- Block the doors!
1567
01:35:33.235 --> 01:35:35.862
No, Maggie, don't!
1568
01:35:42.201 --> 01:35:44.745
Oh, never a dull moment
at a Maggie wedding.
1569
01:35:44.787 --> 01:35:46.872
There's a man coming with
lots of candy in his pocket.
1570
01:35:46.955 --> 01:35:49.833
If you tickle him, he'll give you all
his candy. Here you go, little queen.
1571
01:35:49.916 --> 01:35:52.418
- Maggie!
-Just tickle him.
1572
01:35:54.128 --> 01:35:57.798
- [Children] Give us some candy!
- Whoa. No, not me.
1573
01:35:57.881 --> 01:36:00.758
Get the naughty bride.
Naughty bride.
1574
01:36:00.800 --> 01:36:04.094
No, no.
It's an Armani suit.
1575
01:36:06.305 --> 01:36:08.723
Wait!
1576
01:36:10.558 --> 01:36:12.351
- Wait!
- Maggie!
1577
01:36:13.561 --> 01:36:15.938
Go. Go. Go, go.
1578
01:36:17.314 --> 01:36:20.942
Maggie! Maggie!
1579
01:36:20.984 --> 01:36:24.320
Don't do it! Don't!
1580
01:36:24.403 --> 01:36:26.321
Maggie!
1581
01:36:26.405 --> 01:36:29.616
- He's running after her.
- He's in pretty good shape too.
1582
01:36:29.658 --> 01:36:33.244
Maggie! No, Maggie!
1583
01:36:33.327 --> 01:36:35.246
Where do you think she's going?
1584
01:36:35.329 --> 01:36:37.664
Wherever it is,
she'll be there by 1 0:30 tomorrow.
1585
01:36:39.916 --> 01:36:42.126
Maggie! No!
1586
01:36:47.506 --> 01:36:49.466
Maggie!
1587
01:36:49.508 --> 01:36:52.468
No! No!
1588
01:36:52.510 --> 01:36:55.054
Maggie!
1589
01:37:00.684 --> 01:37:02.852
Mr. Graham! Mr. Graham!
1590
01:37:05.688 --> 01:37:09.441
[Mooing]
1591
01:37:09.524 --> 01:37:12.152
- Mr. Graham, what is your next move?
- How do you feel now?
1592
01:37:12.193 --> 01:37:14.487
- What will you do?
- I know you must feel terrible.
1593
01:37:14.529 --> 01:37:16.614
[Chattering Continues]
1594
01:37:16.697 --> 01:37:19.992
- Mr. Graham, talk to us.
- That's enough.
1595
01:37:20.033 --> 01:37:22.035
Come on. Leave him alone.
1596
01:37:29.708 --> 01:37:32.127
"Hardware Honey
Goes Nuts and Bolts."
1597
01:37:32.210 --> 01:37:34.128
How many times
is she gonna do this?
1598
01:37:38.549 --> 01:37:42.427
% Aura Lee %
1599
01:37:42.510 --> 01:37:45.930
- % Aura Lee %
- [Cory] Finally, in local news,
1600
01:37:46.013 --> 01:37:49.141
the mayor has requested that we all
stop gossiping about last week's...
1601
01:37:49.224 --> 01:37:52.060
Maggie Carpenter "almost wedding."
1602
01:37:52.102 --> 01:37:55.188
This is Cory Flemming
for W-HALE saying...
1603
01:37:55.271 --> 01:37:58.065
may the good Lord make you smart
enough to live in a small town.
1604
01:37:58.149 --> 01:38:00.109
And we cut.
1605
01:38:00.192 --> 01:38:03.028
[Lee]
Camera loves ya.
1606
01:38:04.904 --> 01:38:07.740
- Hey, you okay?
- Yeah.
1607
01:38:07.823 --> 01:38:10.242
I'm closing.
You wanna go to Butch's for a drink?
1608
01:38:10.325 --> 01:38:13.286
Uh, you know,
I'm gonna finish up here,
1609
01:38:13.370 --> 01:38:15.413
and then I think
I'll just head home.
1610
01:38:15.496 --> 01:38:17.498
Okay.
1611
01:38:19.291 --> 01:38:21.960
You know,
1612
01:38:22.044 --> 01:38:24.796
I was thinking about
that "V" thing.
1613
01:38:24.879 --> 01:38:27.840
And I think
the "V" in the geese...
1614
01:38:27.924 --> 01:38:32.594
was half of a "W" for--
1615
01:38:32.678 --> 01:38:34.596
For, uh--
1616
01:38:34.679 --> 01:38:38.808
- W-W-What are you talking about?
- Wedding! Wedding.
1617
01:38:38.849 --> 01:38:42.603
You just gotta get
the rest of your ducks in a row.
1618
01:38:44.354 --> 01:38:46.856
Thank you.
1619
01:38:50.192 --> 01:38:52.319
- So you still think that he--
- You're quick.
1620
01:38:52.402 --> 01:38:55.113
You're very quick.
1621
01:39:00.159 --> 01:39:03.161
[Sighs]
1622
01:39:13.962 --> 01:39:16.798
[Male Singer]
% I thought that %
1623
01:39:16.881 --> 01:39:21.510
% You'd be loving me %
1624
01:39:21.594 --> 01:39:27.307
% I thought you were the one
who'd stay forever %
1625
01:39:28.850 --> 01:39:34.146
% But now forever's
come and gone %
1626
01:39:34.229 --> 01:39:39.817
%And I'm still here alone %
1627
01:39:41.068 --> 01:39:44.696
% 'Cause you were only playin' %
1628
01:39:44.780 --> 01:39:47.991
% You were only playin'
with my heart %
1629
01:39:48.074 --> 01:39:51.744
% I was never waiting %
1630
01:39:51.827 --> 01:39:55.998
% I was never waiting
for the tears to start %
1631
01:39:56.081 --> 01:40:00.209
% It was you %
1632
01:40:00.251 --> 01:40:03.712
% Who put the clouds around me %
1633
01:40:03.796 --> 01:40:07.257
% It was you %
1634
01:40:07.340 --> 01:40:10.843
% Who made the tears fall down %
1635
01:40:10.927 --> 01:40:14.346
% It was you %
1636
01:40:14.430 --> 01:40:17.849
% Who broke my heart in pieces %
1637
01:40:17.933 --> 01:40:21.686
% It was you, it was you %
1638
01:40:21.769 --> 01:40:26.732
% Who made my blue eyes blue
Ooh, ooh %
1639
01:40:26.815 --> 01:40:29.526
% I never should've trusted you %
1640
01:40:29.609 --> 01:40:32.278
Okay, here we go.
1641
01:40:32.361 --> 01:40:36.448
% I thought that I'd be %
1642
01:40:36.532 --> 01:40:39.492
% All you need %
1643
01:40:39.576 --> 01:40:43.454
% In your eyes I thought
I saw my--%
1644
01:40:43.537 --> 01:40:46.373
- Ike, how's it goin'?
- Hey, Marvin.
1645
01:40:46.457 --> 01:40:48.375
That good, huh?
1646
01:40:48.458 --> 01:40:52.295
% 'Cause you had me
believin' in a lie %
1647
01:40:52.378 --> 01:40:55.256
% Guess I couldn't see it %
1648
01:40:55.297 --> 01:41:00.343
% I guess I couldn't see it
till I saw the light %
1649
01:41:00.427 --> 01:41:03.596
% It was you %
1650
01:41:03.638 --> 01:41:07.349
% It was you %
1651
01:41:07.432 --> 01:41:10.894
% Who put those clouds around me %
1652
01:41:10.977 --> 01:41:14.313
% It was you %
1653
01:41:14.397 --> 01:41:17.983
% Who made the tears fall down %
1654
01:41:18.066 --> 01:41:21.069
% Only you %
1655
01:41:21.152 --> 01:41:25.031
- [Phone Ringing]
-% Who broke my heart in pieces %
1656
01:41:25.114 --> 01:41:27.783
[Answering Machine]
Hi, it's me.
1657
01:41:27.825 --> 01:41:31.786
Leave a message after the beep.
[Machine Beeps]
1658
01:41:31.828 --> 01:41:34.080
[Dial Tone]
1659
01:41:37.833 --> 01:41:39.668
Hello, Ike.
1660
01:41:50.218 --> 01:41:54.597
Don't tell me my doorman
is one of your many admirers?
1661
01:41:56.599 --> 01:41:59.184
I'm making friends with your cat.
1662
01:42:00.519 --> 01:42:02.437
Is it okay that I'm here?
1663
01:42:02.520 --> 01:42:06.315
I don't have much choice
in the matter, do l?
1664
01:42:06.357 --> 01:42:09.485
But, I can't speak for Italics.
Traitor.
1665
01:42:09.568 --> 01:42:11.611
[Purring]
1666
01:42:11.695 --> 01:42:13.488
I don't blame you for being mad.
1667
01:42:13.530 --> 01:42:16.282
Or furious.
1668
01:42:17.366 --> 01:42:20.202
Irate? Livid.
1669
01:42:20.285 --> 01:42:23.038
- [Meowing]
- What is it, Maggie?
1670
01:42:23.121 --> 01:42:25.039
You here on business?
1671
01:42:25.123 --> 01:42:28.459
By the way, I saw your lamps.
1672
01:42:28.542 --> 01:42:32.629
They're terrific. Yeah, really.
1673
01:42:32.712 --> 01:42:35.965
- It's something I've always wanted to--
- [Door Closes]
1674
01:42:36.049 --> 01:42:39.426
You could make breaking and entering
into a new career.
1675
01:42:42.637 --> 01:42:45.348
So, what are you
doing here anyway?
1676
01:42:48.225 --> 01:42:51.770
I wanted to talk to you...
1677
01:42:51.853 --> 01:42:57.024
about why I run,
1678
01:42:57.108 --> 01:43:00.361
sometimes ride, away from things.
1679
01:43:03.155 --> 01:43:05.824
- Does it matter?
- I think so.
1680
01:43:05.907 --> 01:43:07.825
[Clears Throat]
1681
01:43:07.909 --> 01:43:13.080
When I was walking down the aisle,
I was walking toward somebody...
1682
01:43:13.163 --> 01:43:18.876
who had no idea who I really was.
1683
01:43:18.960 --> 01:43:23.797
And it was only half
the other person's fault...
1684
01:43:23.880 --> 01:43:28.634
because I had done everything
to convince him...
1685
01:43:28.718 --> 01:43:30.803
that I was exactly what he wanted.
1686
01:43:30.886 --> 01:43:34.347
So, it was good...
1687
01:43:34.431 --> 01:43:39.227
that I didn't go through with it
because it would've been a lie.
1688
01:43:39.310 --> 01:43:43.021
But you--
1689
01:43:43.105 --> 01:43:45.565
You knew the real me.
1690
01:43:47.609 --> 01:43:49.527
Yes, I did.
1691
01:43:49.610 --> 01:43:52.112
I didn't.
1692
01:43:53.489 --> 01:43:57.742
Still, I ended up
chasing a truck.
1693
01:44:11.462 --> 01:44:15.382
I can't, um,
do anything about the truck.
1694
01:44:17.342 --> 01:44:19.260
But, uh--
1695
01:44:23.722 --> 01:44:26.433
- Benedict.
- Arnold.
1696
01:44:26.516 --> 01:44:29.102
I love eggs Benedict.
1697
01:44:29.185 --> 01:44:31.937
I hate all the other
kinds of eggs.
1698
01:44:31.979 --> 01:44:36.191
I hate big weddings,
everybody staring.
1699
01:44:36.274 --> 01:44:39.277
I'd like to get married on
a weekday while everybody's at work.
1700
01:44:39.360 --> 01:44:42.947
And if I ride off into the sunset,
I want my own horse.
1701
01:44:43.030 --> 01:44:45.491
- Should I be writing this down?
- And there's something else.
1702
01:44:45.574 --> 01:44:48.076
No, you can tell me.
Don't--
1703
01:44:48.159 --> 01:44:50.078
Okay.
1704
01:44:55.082 --> 01:44:57.042
These are for you.
1705
01:45:02.421 --> 01:45:05.424
- Used--
- Well, they're mine.
1706
01:45:05.507 --> 01:45:10.470
I'm turning in
my running shoes to you.
1707
01:45:13.723 --> 01:45:15.641
This is serious.
1708
01:45:15.724 --> 01:45:17.392
And there's one more thing.
1709
01:45:17.476 --> 01:45:20.353
I know, the mind reels that
there could be more after this.
1710
01:45:20.437 --> 01:45:24.440
-But, um, if you could just have a seat.
-[Clears Throat]
1711
01:45:27.776 --> 01:45:31.112
Let's just not have that there.
1712
01:45:31.196 --> 01:45:33.906
Okay. Okay.
1713
01:45:38.910 --> 01:45:42.705
- Oh, no. My, God, no.
- No, no. Don't hide your face.
1714
01:45:42.789 --> 01:45:45.791
This happens once in a lifetime,
and it's definitely a first for me.
1715
01:45:45.875 --> 01:45:48.960
You're not gonna want to miss it,
so pay close attention.
1716
01:45:55.716 --> 01:46:00.303
I love you,
Homer Eisenhower Graham.
1717
01:46:02.972 --> 01:46:04.265
Will you marry me?
1718
01:46:04.265 --> 01:46:05.933
Will you marry me?
1719
01:46:12.313 --> 01:46:14.232
[Laughs]
1720
01:46:15.775 --> 01:46:18.986
I gotta think about this
a little bit.
1721
01:46:19.069 --> 01:46:23.156
- Good. I was hoping you would say that.
- You were not! Not true.
1722
01:46:23.239 --> 01:46:26.158
If you'd said yes, I wouldn't
be able to do this next part...
1723
01:46:26.242 --> 01:46:28.077
and I've been practicing so let me--
1724
01:46:29.620 --> 01:46:32.122
Okay.
[Exhales]
1725
01:46:32.205 --> 01:46:34.916
- Ready?
- I'm listening.
1726
01:46:38.460 --> 01:46:40.420
[Sighs]
1727
01:46:42.756 --> 01:46:47.551
I guarantee
that we'll have tough times.
1728
01:46:47.593 --> 01:46:50.721
And I guarantee
that at some point...
1729
01:46:50.804 --> 01:46:54.265
one or both of us
will want to get out.
1730
01:46:55.683 --> 01:46:58.519
But I also guarantee...
1731
01:46:58.602 --> 01:47:02.064
that if I don't ask you to be mine,
1732
01:47:02.147 --> 01:47:04.732
I'll regret it
for the rest of my life.
1733
01:47:05.983 --> 01:47:08.444
'Cause I know in my heart...
1734
01:47:08.486 --> 01:47:11.780
you're the only one for me.
1735
01:47:18.828 --> 01:47:21.455
That's a pretty
good speech, Maggie.
1736
01:47:21.538 --> 01:47:24.999
I borrowed it from
this writer I know.
1737
01:47:27.376 --> 01:47:30.045
So?
1738
01:47:43.098 --> 01:47:47.435
%[Miles Davis]
1739
01:47:56.151 --> 01:47:58.611
Dance with me.
1740
01:48:21.755 --> 01:48:24.966
[Pastor] We are gathered here
today to celebrate the union...
1741
01:48:25.008 --> 01:48:28.344
of Maggie Carpenter and Ike Graham.
1742
01:48:40.688 --> 01:48:43.524
- Do you have the rings?
- Yes.
1743
01:48:43.565 --> 01:48:46.776
Do you, Ike, take Maggie
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
1744
01:48:50.321 --> 01:48:52.239
I do.
1745
01:48:52.323 --> 01:48:56.701
Do you, Maggie, take Ike
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
1746
01:48:56.743 --> 01:48:58.703
I do.
1747
01:48:58.745 --> 01:49:01.497
[Pastor]
In this life that you share together,
1748
01:49:01.539 --> 01:49:05.500
may your individuality
strengthen your love.
1749
01:49:05.584 --> 01:49:08.753
With the power vested in me,
1750
01:49:08.837 --> 01:49:13.549
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
1751
01:49:13.591 --> 01:49:16.468
You may kiss the bride.
1752
01:49:29.687 --> 01:49:31.230
[Applauding]
1753
01:49:46.326 --> 01:49:48.912
Guess what. She did it!
1754
01:49:48.995 --> 01:49:51.247
Maggie Carpenter got married.
1755
01:49:51.331 --> 01:49:53.583
% Alleluia %
1756
01:49:58.545 --> 01:50:01.422
Betty, she did it. She did it!